How To Make Bad Video Games Worse

How to make games not qualify as games

E.T.

 * Make a high-definition sequel to this game, kinda.
 * They did that in the AVGN Movie (which is good to begin with), then why not in real-life?
 * The graphics are messier than they were.
 * Annoying low-quality chiptune music plays in the background.
 * The game crashes half-way through.
 * The game is also available on the NES as a port.

Sonic '06

 * Sonic marries Elise, and they have hedgehuman (hedgehog-human) babies.
 * Scary, right?
 * The final boss is 500 Silver the Hedgehog clones (A.K.A.: ITS NO USE INTENSIFIES )
 * The reason why if it would happen is because that Silver kills Mephiles after Mephiles killed Sonic, thus Silver steals Mephiles' power and becomes an almighty and ultra-power-filled maniac and inexplicably clones himself.
 * After defeating the 500 Silver the Hedgehog clones, 499 Silver clones all vanish and the real Silver changes his ways and returns to his home planet.
 * Of course, this will make you realize that Silver the Hedgehog is actually evil this whole time. (What?)
 * And also, the 500 Silver clones replace Solaris, because Silver is actually the Solaris Master in here!
 * Make it the last game in the series (What a horrible way to end off.)
 * Until Sega decides to reboot the series, but with having the series take place after Sonic '06.
 * Yeah, just think about what happens if Sonic '06 is canon to the franchise.
 * Seriously, there will be the fact the Elise will currently be Sonic's human wife/queen for example.
 * Man, why would someone take beastiality too seriously in here?
 * Add more glitches and crashes.
 * There is a cutscene where Sonic and Elise have sex, and it's uncensored.

Sonic Genesis (GBA)

 * Add more glitches, crashes, and such.
 * The controls are more slippery.
 * It only utilizes 8-bit graphics, which is clearly unacceptable for a GBA game.
 * Do those NES emulation ports on GBA count?
 * The game uses actual objects instead of sprites for the characters, which makes the game use too much power and causes the Game Boy Advance to often crash.

Superman 64

 * Worsen the controls even more.
 * Have only 5 seconds to complete each task.
 * The rings are in random places.
 * Superman flies way too fast.

Hotel Mario

 * The final bosses are the Wario bros., Wario and Waluigi, in which they were fought in a hotel not part of the Koopa hotels and the fact that it looks like a spaceship labeled as the "Hotel of the WAAAAAAAAAAAA!", and the final battle is very anti-climatic (and comical, too), with Wario farting and eating garlic in the middle of battle and Waluigi screaming " WALUIGI TIME!" before attacking with a tennis racket at a very short range. Both would "WAH" every 5 seconds.
 * Oh yeah, Waluigi didn't exist yet until 2000.
 * Also, this will make Bowser the penultimate boss.
 * Plus, I'm such a comedic genius when I came up with this final battle stuff.
 * The only way to defeat them is by jumping on them in one hit and they suffer brain damage, get dizzy, and give up.
 * Did I forget to mention? Their attacks never hurt you! Also, unlike the other boss battles, you can actually hide in the hotel doors, but the Wario bros. are busy with their so-called attacks.
 * But wait, there's more. This thing would commit the world's biggest plot twist known to mankind.
 * Oh, and they are known for this hotel insanity, and you'll never know.
 * Hold up, how many stuff am I really saying?
 * Make a song similar to I Can't Defeat AirMan on the internet about how the Wario bros., Wario and Waluigi are too easy to be defeated, except it's called "The Wario Bros. Are Too Easy".
 * Bowser becomes literally killed off for real after defeating him and rescuing Princess Peach.
 * For the reason why Bowser will actually die in this game if it ever happened is because he found out that he has no extra lives (as if he ran out of them) and then he gets horribly slaughtered by his own hotel, like when a chandelier impales him right in the belly, one of the hotel ceiling walls falls down and crushes his reptilian turtle/dragon skull, and thus, we'll never see the Koopa King again.
 * RIP in Pesky Plumber: Bowser. (Year of whatever he's born in)-1994. Make way for the new superstar villains, and it's, the Wario bros., Wario and Waluigi!?!?
 * The Koopa King's last words: "I knew that taking over the Mushroom Kingdom with hotels can never be a good idea. Why did I do that?"
 * And we can actually hear Bowser speak.
 * Make it be on other consoles (next to the Philips CD-i).
 * The plot is way more confusing.
 * Same for the gameplay.
 * Make it the last Mario game (And that is the reason why I putted the part where Bowser dies for real, and that was very sad).
 * Until Nintendo decides to reboot the series, but with having the series take place after Hotel Mario.
 * Yeah, it will involve confusing, repetitive, and lazy plots, six golden coins, lack of Bowser since he got murdered, and the Wario bros. are the comedic main villains that steal the spotlight from now on. It will happen to be like a carbon copy of Super Mario Land 2: Six Golden Coins (well, don't get me wrong, SML2 is a very good game, but remaking the game over and over again will probably be considered lazy).
 * Along with that, Princess Peach never gets kidnapped. (Yeah, it would be both good and bad at the same time.)
 * Also, Bowser will come back from the dead in, uh, which one? Oh yeah, he'll come back from the dead in Super Mario Galaxy.
 * In addition to that, John Widelock voices him!
 * And his voice is super creepy! YIKES!!!!!!
 * For those who don't know about all that, it's part of a trope called Sequelitis.
 * There's slowdowns and choppy frame rates for some reason, similar to that Mega Man 5 port on Mega Man Legacy Collection on 3DS outside of Japan where it shows slowdowns and choppy frame rates, you know the one.
 * Jumpscares are abundant, as they go jump cut around a few cutscenes, including showing a person with a chopped . (What did I just said?)
 * Include more stupider jokes (Wait, that would be hilarious!)

Every game for a property made, owned, or owned today by Mattel

 * Bad graphics.
 * Terrible music.
 * Lots of glitches.
 * Include Barbie in all of them as at least a main character.
 * Mattel goes bankrupt because of this.
 * What else is there to say?

Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric

 * Elise is a playable character
 * And her new sidekick is....Spoiler alert! It's Buhdeuce from Breadwinners. (No flipping way!)
 * Man, there will be lawsuits right up the behind!
 * We found out that Lyric is actually a nuclear snake that's created by, who else but the Wario bros., Wario and Waluigi. (Wait, what?!?!?!)
 * Yikes! How is that gonna work?
 * It happens after defeating Lyric, that is. :|
 * Add a character that looks like and acts like Fleck from Dorbees: Making Decisions.
 * Also, why not add more copyrighted characters since that was the formula for this version.

Rascal Racers/Miracle Space Race/Other Rascal Racers-like games (PS1)

 * Put in some adult dinosaur cosplaying as Baby Sinclair from one episode of Jim Henson's Dinosaurs, a saber-toothed tiger, Lanky Kong's evil twin from another dimension named Yknal Gnok, and a blue otter dinosaur resembling Ernest Otter from PB&J Otter and make them playable characters.
 * The raccoon looks like a boat with a smiley face drawn on it-oh wait, they did that.
 * Or replace the raccoon with an ugly version of Pinch Raccoon from PB&J Otter, or any fictional raccoon for that matter.
 * Not to mention, about the other animals looking like boats with faces drawn on them, the dragon can be replaced with a realistic one, and replace the beaver with a blob of poop with buck teeth placed on them.
 * The racetracks are blander and emptier.
 * The controls are more slippery.
 * The music just consists of the Ipana "Brusha Brusha Brusha" jingle from the 1950s looping repeatedly.
 * I love the Ipana jingle, but it wouldn't make sense to use that in the game.
 * What else is there to say?

Dissidia Final Fantasy (for those who like the game, respect my opinion on it)

 * Include several more swear words.
 * Remove the player's ability to dodge.
 * Remove Quick Play Mode.
 * Put in lots of glitches to make it unplayable.
 * Include more mispronunciations.
 * Make the character designs even worse than they already are.
 * Remove the pre-battle quotes.
 * Make the game even more broken than it already is.
 * Remove alternate outfits.
 * Lack of music.
 * Make Order's Sanctuary the only stage in the game.

Family Party: 30 Great Games Obstacle Arena

 * Make the games have lots of slowdown.
 * The game is literally a copy and paste Mario Party 9 without the boards.
 * Include a story mode, with an incredibly generic alien villian.
 * The control inputs are inaccurate most of the time.
 * The music done by someone's drunk uncle.
 * Rename the title into something obvious like "Not a Family Party: 30 Horrid Games Mario Party 9 Knockoff (without the boards) Arena".
 * The bear character is just a real life photograph of a grizzly bear.
 * That would be hilarious.
 * Oh, really?
 * FYI, the bear's mouth would move like the Canadian characters from South Park.
 * Nah, his mouth would not move at all.
 * Which makes it creepier!
 * How does that ever work?


 * Make the movement in the characters very poorly animated.
 * The graphics look even more dated, and barely impress a Nintendo 64 title.
 * You know, as if it was blocky.

Super Monkey Ball: Touch and Roll

 * Give the player only 1 life to begin with.
 * There are only 6 worlds with 5 levels.
 * No bonus stages.
 * All the worlds take place in the same area.
 * Every single level is taken straight from Super Monkey Ball.
 * The game uses actual objects instead of sprites for the monkeys, which makes the game use too much power and causes the DS to often crash.

Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing

 * Make the game extremely buggy and glitchy.