How to Make Scary PIFs Not Scary

Lonely Water (1973)

 * The PIF is animated.
 * It's taken in a sunny day and not under a cloudy sky.
 * The cloaked figure is removed and replaced with a talking frog, who warns the children that it will be dangerous, therefore none of them fall in the river.
 * Remove the "I'll be back" sound.



Apaches (1977)

 * This PIF is also animated.
 * Right before the children get into danger, something would eventually make them stay on the safe side and not get killed.
 * The driver would notice Kim, stop his truck, and ask her to get off since it would be dangerous.
 * An adult would see Tom on the fence, and tell him and his friends to stay away from the slurry pit.
 * Sharon would actually remember to mime-drink the paraquat instead of actually drinking it. Also, have one of the children reveal that their parents have told them that the liquid is poisonous before they mime-drink it.
 * Robert would eventually run from the falling gate before it crushes him with a child saying it would have killed him.
 * Danny would manage to get out of the tractor before it crashes, with the adults warning him that he should have been careful because he would have been killed.
 * Remove the end credits.



NSPCC: Can't Look (1999)

 * Have it released in 2016. (like the "this is your brain on drugs" remake where kids ask questions at the end)
 * The scenes of the characters covering their eyes would be replaced with the victims in colored rooms being interviewed, sharing their story. Also, include happy endings in them.
 * The baby would be shown as an adult, sharing his/her story about when he/she was a baby and his/her mother was a terrible parent and nearly beat them to death, until the neighbors overheard the abuse and had the mother arrested and the victim put in a foster home.
 * The victim of the "come and sit over here" part would share that some other people had seen the man who made them uncomfortable, and before something bad was going to happen to them, someone called the cops on the man and he was taken to prison.
 * The victim of the abusive father shares that their mother saw what happened and divorced the father, and reveals that she also got him arrested for domestic violence.
 * The boy who was neglected by his mother, as a grown man shares his story of being neglected as a young boy, and reveals that he managed to get a neighbor to call child protective services, and he was taken to a foster home with loving foster parents.
 * The girl at the last scene, now a grown woman, reveals that while she was begging her father to stop as a young girl, and then says that she heard her mother walking into the room and screaming upon catching her father doing questionable stuff to her, and that she managed to contact the cops on the spot.
 * Rename the PIF to "Stories".



Searching (1974)

 * There are no ghostly screams.
 * The burnt house interior is not very dark.
 * One of the children walk with the camera man in the burnt house with a flashlight.
 * Before walking in the burnt house, the child first reveals that they and their family managed to get out of the house and is getting ready to move to a new house.
 * When walking in some rooms, the child tells the audience memories of what they and their family used to do in the house.
 * When the PIF finishes, it shows the camera leaving the house with the child saying something like "Now our house burned down, and it's my fault. When Daddy puts the matches out of reach in the new house, I promise I won't touch them again."



Don't Give Fire a Chance

 * The music in the dream is a more comedic tune.
 * Replace the creepy witch voice with a funnier voice.
 * Make the fire animated, have faces, and talk in that voice in a less scarier way.
 * For example when the daughter tries to take the matches, the fire would say to the father, "Hey, shouldn't ya kids know that matches aren't toys?"
 * It blows away in defeat once the father takes care of the matches and other safety things in the house.
 * The fire at the curtain also blows away with the father unplugging the fan.
 * After the dream ends, the curtain also gets an animated face and thanks the father for protecting the house, before the father wakes up...
 * ...and doesn't light a cigarette.



Night Vision

 * The house isn't very dark.
 * The PIF is taken during the day.
 * The music is less scarier.
 * The people in the PIF all manage to make it out on time, with the narrator explaining a simple escape route during a house fire while they escape.



Christmas Lights

 * The PIF is animated.
 * The Christmas Tree (which has a face) and the stuffed bunny are main characters in the video.
 * It starts with the narrator revealing that the family has gone to bed, and the tree stating that he feels hot from the lights.
 * When the flame starts under the tree's trunk, the stuffed bunny quickly runs to turn off the lights before throwing water on the flame before it engulfs anything else.
 * The tree also warns the audience about how Christmas trees like him can get very weak when drying out, and that heat from lights could pose as a danger to them and then to the house.



Banana Mine

 * Have the PIF sponsored by Disney (Doesn't make the PIF any less scary, but I had a need to add this here)
 * Have it animated as well.
 * Before the girl picks up the red banana, a Pixar-animated Woody and Buzz enter the room and teaching the viewers about PFM-1 mines and reminding them to inform services upon seeing one.
 * Also, don't have the PIF in a testing room. Perhaps in a playground where the girl bought her toys in?
 * The PIF ends with an adult noticing and telling the girl to stay away from the mine.



WSIB: Sous Chef

 * The PIF shows the woman in a fancy restaurant with her fiancé, instead of at the kitchen.
 * She describes the other day when she was at the kitchen.
 * She states that she managed to clean up a spill on the floor before walking on it, and if she didn't clean it up she wouldn't have been here.



Dumb Animals

 * Instead of blood splattering out of the models' fur coats, an animated lynx puts the fashion show to a stop, and embarrasses the models by asking them in front of the fans what it feels like if someone took their skin for clothing.
 * This causes the fans to walk away instead of run away scared, and the models to run away embarrassed, with the lynx still in the screen.



Scavengers

 * There are no flies, so rename it to "Party"
 * The music is a calm jazz tune.
 * The lynx from before enters the fashion party and is disgusted upon looking at the fur coats in display.
 * He walks around, and talks about how it is cruel to take fur away from animals to use as clothing.
 * When seeing the person uncover the fur coat, the lynx distracts them with another coat which is cruelty free, which causes the models to go after it.
 * And then he talks about how there are other fashion which isn't made from animal fur like that coat.



TAC: Lennon's Christmas

 * An instrumental version of Lennon's Christmas plays in the background.
 * The PIF is not set in the hospital. It is set in a colorful room with an adult man sitting on a sofa.
 * He is in an interview and tells a story of how he was riding in a car with his parents to go Christmas shopping, and then a crash occurred, followed by him passing out and waking up on a hospital bed to a lot of presents by his side
 * He then reveals that his parents saw the news, and the person who caused the crash was drunk and got arrested.



How much is that Doggy in the Window?

 * It's just a cut version.
 * The background is light blue.



Swim

 * The PIF is in third person and animated.
 * When the owner puts the dog and his brother in the bag, another person catches him, and tells him that his dog could have been injured and he should treat his pets like friends and not objects, with the owner apologizing.
 * At the end of the PIF, the owner has a swimsuit on and takes his dogs to a pool, where they both jump in the pool with the owner joining in.
 * The dog also states that he wouldn't be having fun in the pool if nobody was there to stop his owner.



Comparison

 * Name it "Barn"
 * The PIF is animated, and is taken inside a barn, with a chicken as the main character.
 * She goes on her daily routine, from laying her eggs to eating grain given by the farmer.
 * When wandering around the farm, she overhears a neighbor talking to the farmer what he would do with her.
 * She then thinks about getting fatter and her legs feeling exhausted, and then being turned into roast chicken with a "poof" sound effect.
 * The farmer eventually decides to provide her and his other animals with care.
 * We also hear friendly narration throughout the PIF.
 * (what am I even doing?)