Moon Speech Parodies

Someone had to.

Not because Lemongrab did anything in particular, he's just a bitch
I've come to make an announcement: Lemongrab is a bitch-ass motherfucker! He pissed on my fucking boyfriend! That's right, he took his lemon fucking sour dick out, and he PISSED on my fucking boyfriend, and he said his dungeon was "this big" and I said "That's disgusting!". So I'm making a call-out post on my twitter.com: Lemongrab, you've got a stupid head! It's the look of this tripe except way grosser! And guess what!? Here's what my face looks like! *BOOM* That's right, baby! All hats, no fruits, no long nose! Look at that, it looks like a planet with an antennae! He fucked my boyfriend, so guess what, I'M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH! THAT'S RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET; MY SUPER LASER PISS!!!!! EXCEPT I'M NOT GONNA PISS ON THE EARTH; I'M GONNA GO HIGHER! I'M PISSING ON THE MOOOOON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, OBAMA!? I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DRRRROPLLLLLETS HIT THE FUCKING EARTH! NOW GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO.

Overly verbose
I have arrived to the premises to formulate an announcement: Shadow the spiky rodent has demonstrated himself to be a bitch-ass motherfucker. He has urinated upon my female partner. This is true, he exposed his spiky rodent genitalia to her, then proceeded to urinate upon her, and stated to the world that the genitalia he posessed is "this big". In response, I retorted "That is very discomforting". Because of this, I am creating a post on Twitter.com dedicated to exposing his flaws: Shadow the spiky rodent, despite your claims, your genitalia is rather undersized. Its size is comparable to this edible seed, but it is far smaller than the seed. And would you believe this? I am about to demonstrate the absolute girth of my own genitalia. *Boom* You would be correct, recently born homo sapien. This genitalia has gained its size from points alone, with no support from quills similar to Shadow's, or any pillows. Treat your eyes to this sight, my genitalia looks similar to two reproductive organs and a single drug enhancer. Shadow the spiky rodent has mated with my female partner, so in response, I will fornicate the planet we live on. Correct, this is what you will receive: MY EXTREMELY POWERFUL, PIERCING LIGHT URINE! However, despite what you may expect, I will not urinate upon the planet. I plan to go beyond even that: I AM URINATING UPON THE ROCK THAT REVOLVES AROUND THE PLANET AND CONTROLS THE WAVES!!!! HOW ARE YOU SUPPORTIVE OF THIS ACTION, 44TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!? I HAVE URINATED UPON THE MOON, YOU HUMAN OF LOW INTELLIGENCE!! YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE DRRRROPLLLLETS OF MY URINE WILL FALL OFF THE MOON AND LAND ON THE PLANET THAT WE LIVE ON, SO YOU NEED TO LEAVE MY VIEW IMMEDIATELY, OR ELSE I WILL DECIDE TO URINATE UPON YOU AS WELL.

The roles are reversed (Eggman pisses on Shadow's wife)
I've come to make an announcement! Dr. Ivo Robotnik is a bitch-ass motherfucker! He pissed on my fucking wife! That's right; he took his human fucking eggy dick out, and he pissed on my fucking wife, and he said his dick was "like two balls and a bong", and I said "That's disgusting!" So I'm making a call-out post on my Youtube.com: Dr. Ivo Robotnik, you've got a small dick! It's like all the tetris pieces at once! And guess what? Here's what my dong looks like! BOOM That's right, baby! Several points, several quills, several pillows! Look at that, it's this big! He fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth! That's right this is what you get: MY SUPER PUMPKIN PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth; I'm gonna go higher! I'm PISSING ON MARS!!!! How do you like that, Hillary!? I pissed on Mars, you idiot! You have 23 hours before the piss droplets hit the fucking earth. Now get out of my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

Top 10 anime crossovers (Eggman's moon speech x Onision's Meltdown)
Wow! WOOOOOW! I've come to make an announcement! You guys are so into yourselves! You pissed on my fucking patreon! That's right! You are so committed to getting your fucking censoring dick out, and pissing on innocent people, and you said my career was "This RUINED", and I said "Wow you would really do that? YOU WOULD REALLY DO THAT!? ...GHNNNNN!" So I'm making a call-out post on my youtube.com! You guys, you tried to do the FBI but it didn't HHHWORK!!!! The FBI has a small dick! It drinks like pee and smells even worse! And guess what! You like Kombucha!?!? BOOM That's right, baby! All paycheck, no censorship, no PATREON! Look at that, I LOVE KOMBUCHA!!!! You fucked over Onion boy, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth! That's right, this is what you get; MY SUPER KOMBUCHA PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth; I'm gonna go higher! I'M PISSING ON THE MOOOOOON! How do you like that, Keemstar!? YOU DID THIS TO ME! ALL OF YOUUUU! You have 23 hours until the Kombucha drrrropllllets hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight, before I cover you in Kombucha!

When [REDACTED] pissed on her GF
I've come to make an announcement: [REDACTED]'s a bitch-ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking girlfriend. That's right, he took his human-fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking girlfriend, and he said his dick was "this big," and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: [REDACTED], you've got a small dick, It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my junk looks like: that's right baby, all noobs, no anime, no Bandori— look at that, it looks like a deathship and a laser canon. He fucked my girlfriend, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

Nikei @ Mikado
I've come to make an announcement: Mikado Sannōji's a bitch-ass motherfucker. He killed my fucking friends. That's right. He took his robot fuckin' stupid execution button out and he killed my FUCKING friends, and he said his chance of living was THIS BIG, and I said that's a lie. So I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com. Mikado, you have a small chance of living. It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my chance of living looks like. That's right, baby. All writing, no wizardry, no murder, look at that, it looks like two pies and a nose. He killed my friends, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the earth. That's right, this is what you get! My SUPER LASER PISS! Except I'm not gonna piss on the earth. I'm gonna go higher. I'm pissing on the MOOOON! How do you like that, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking earth, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!

To Manny Heffley
I've come to make an announcement: Manny Heffley is a bitch-ass motherfucker, he left a fucking spiky tinfoil ball on the couch. That's right, he took his motherfucking spiky tinfoil ball out and he left it on the couch, and he said his spiky tinfoil ball was "this big," and I said "that's dangerous," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Manny Heffley, you've got a small spiky tinfoil ball, It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my spiky tinfoil ball looks like: that's right baby, all tinfoil, no toothpicks, no pain— look at that, it looks like what every spiky tinfoil ball should look like. He left his motherfucking spiky tinfoil ball on the couch, so guess what, I'M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'M GONNA GO HIGHER; I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE TWENTY-THREE HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DROPLETS HIT THE FUCKING EARTH, NOW GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT, I PISS ON YOU TOO!

To Riley (Click Critters)
I've come to make an announcement: Riley is a bitch-ass motherfucker, he asked for a fucking 2012 monthly adoptable. That's right, he asked me to give him an adoptable from 2012, and he said his whip ball was "this big," and I said "that's dangerous," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Riley, you've got a small whip, It's the size of a Puff except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my whip looks like: that's right baby, all ringmaster, no losing streaks, no asking for 2012 monthlies— look at that, it looks like what every whip should look like. He asked me for a monthly from 2012, so guess what, I'M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'M GONNA GO HIGHER; I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE TWENTY-THREE HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DROPLETS HIT THE FUCKING EARTH, NOW GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT, I PISS ON YOU TOO!

To Farmer Sploshy
I've come to make an announcement: Farmer Sploshy's a bitch-ass motherfucker, she ran over a cotton ball sheep. That's right, she took her motherfucking tractor out and she ran over the fucking cotton ball sheep, and she said her tractor-driving skills were "this big," and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Farmer Sploshy, you've got a small set of tractor driving skills, It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my tractor-driving skills look like: that's right baby, all turns, all working the tractor, no sign of neglect— look at that, it looks like what a sane farmer should be doing. She ran over this sheep, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!