Addicted to SiIvaGunner

I was just chilling at the fast food branch in a mall nearby, Big Mac on one hand and book (Yellow Pages) on the other. I was staring at page 21, appreciating the calm despite the busy McDonalds room. I was just minding my business when a kid two thirds of my height went up to me with his iPad. He had glasses, a small Nozomi shirt and nutshack short on, and he was a bit overweight. He asked me, "Do you have rips on your phone?", to which I did not immediately understand leading to my instinct of asking, "Sorry? What was it again?" The kid, which I presume to be seven years old, said "Please read the channel description! Dududu du dududu dududu Ness is sans!!".

I was confused, waiting for a clearer response. The child showed his iPad, with the YouTube app on with the text 'Dame Da Ne - Yakuza 0' and he tried to sing the lyrics (in broken Japanese and a vile accent). It happened to be that some 13.98 seconds later an image of what appeared to be Charles Barkley appeared, doing God knows what. The child saw this, gasping loudly and remarking "Uncanny Siivagunner!!!! UH-HUH!". I was annoyed by this, and realizing I had the Yellow Pages book in hand, I calmy told the iPad kid "Offkey + offbeat + clashing harmony + lacks ADSR + source is in d minor, joke is in c# major + lacks reverb impulse + instruments not accurate + chords not accurate + touhou.sf2 + mistransposed flintstones + dont use audacity for mashups".

The boy, traumatised with my simple yet wise words, screamed, "Mommy! Mommy 3 friday night funking!", but then the foolish kid realized that his parents left him years ago to buy a Panasonic Blu-Ray 99 dollars and 7 gallons of milk. I was outraged and I hit him with my Yellow Pages book, and he screamed for help. After nine minutes he yelled out, he stood up, panting, and whispered "In the name of mucky nishickyno (I did not hear it clearly), bean, President Hartmann, and Gangnam Style, my ultimate move, LOUD YANKING!" He screamed loudly, twerked ten times and clapped his buttocks, yelling "Nerf this!".

The police finally came and shot him dead. I was delighted with this, although some of his blood splat on my arm. I tried to wipe it off my skin, but it just won't let go. I tried to regain my focus on my Big Mac and Yellow Pages when I unconsciously blurted out "Feel the goodness in my heart" as if I were singing and replicating banjo plucks and whistles in my vocal chords, which sounded like something from Mario. I realized the inevitable - I am infected by the siivagunner virus.