How To Make Good Video Games Bad

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

 * Make Navi talk more and have her automatically talk for you
 * You'll never make it past Kaepora Gaebora (the Annoying Owl) because of the two options titled "Yes".
 * Remove a majority of the collectibles.
 * Remove the "Golden Skull Token" Sidequest and the awards you get from playing through it.
 * Make the game's bosses even MORE low-quality than they already are.

Super Mario 64

 * Not remaking it for the DS because I like playing as Yoshi and Weegee and Wario.
 * Yeah, that and not remaking it would annoy those who don't own an N64.
 * Include Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time to annoy Mario.
 * Not making it in 3D.
 * Get rid of all the caps and replace them with useless power-ups.

Super Mario World

 * Remove Yoshi and replace him with a bland, useless dinosaur.
 * Make all the Special World levels harder to the point where it's impossible to beat them.
 * After beating the game, you get the text saying "YOU BEAT GAME. YOU WIN."
 * Remove the Cape Feather.
 * The music is monotone.
 * Make the Dolphins ugly.
 * The first level is Tubular.
 * Remove the P-Balloons.
 * Remove the Note Blocks.
 * Not remaking it for the Game Boy Advance.

Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga

 * Cackletta is finally defeated once and for all in Woohoo Hooniversity.
 * Fawful is absent.
 * Bowser is the final boss.
 * And of course, one hit and Bowser's done for. Thus, making it the last Mario game to have Bowser be battled.
 * And also the first Mario game to make Bowser become a lame, pathetic, useless, and weak character who doesn't get any respect, doesn't get battled at all, and of course, everyone gets his name wrong. (Something that you'll see later on)
 * And also make him become a Megward the Wizard-type character.
 * Popple is fought only once.
 * No Advanced Commands.
 * Not remaking it for the 3DS.

Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

 * Replace the old gameplay with Sticker Star and Color Splash.
 * Make Doopliss as a partner instead of Vivian.
 * When I think about that, that means Doopliss will be very OP for a partner.
 * Make sure Bowser doesn't get battled at all.
 * Thus Bowser will be pointing out the wonders of why he never gets to be battled in this game.
 * Remove Smorg from Chapter 6.
 * Shadow Queen doesn't possess Peach at all, but she does possess Bowser somehow (even if Bowser's not fought in this game that doesn't count as a Bowser boss fight, however).

Super Mario Kart

 * Add useless power ups.
 * Remove Rainbow Road and Donut Plains.
 * Add a lot of glitches.
 * Add a course based on toilet humor.
 * That would be awesome.
 * I don't think young players would handle racing their characters in that course, would they?

Mario Kart Wii

 * Only including Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Peach, Toad, Bowser, Wario, and Donkey Kong, like in Mario Kart 64 and Mario Kart: Super Circuit.
 * Not having the retro tracks.
 * Not having the Rainbow Road and Bowser's Castle famous tracks.
 * Including Dora as a cart character.
 * Including Elmo as a cart character.
 * Including Nina (from Nina Needs to Go!) as a cart character...Wait, Nina didn't exist in 2008!
 * No bikes or optional karts.
 * Make it difficult to control the characters, and the controls respond inappropriately.
 * Remove Mushroom Gorge, Koopa Cape, Maple Treeway and Dry Dry Ruins.
 * Add loads and loads and loads of glitches.

Mario Kart 7

 * Remove the Retro Tracks and the new Rainbow Road.
 * Remove the Unlockable content.
 * Make it so you can't play as a Mii.
 * Make Battle Mode like it was in Mario Kart 8.
 * No vehicle customization.
 * No gliders.
 * No underwater movement.

Mario Kart 8

 * No anti-gravity.
 * Add stupid characters as cart characters.
 * Add useless power ups.

Pokemon (series)

 * No professor welcoming you to Pokemon.
 * No Boy player﻿. (ur sexist)
 * The name of your trainer is automatically selected as either "LOLMLG420BOB" or "FLAPPYBIRDDANKMEME" depending on which version you choose.
 * Have Magikarp be all of the starter Pokemon. In the Sun and Moon games, all the starters are Sunkern.
 * No Master Balls, Great Balls, or any other variation of Pokeballs.
 * Have all of the stater Pokemon and their evolutions not able to use any HMs or TMs.
 * Have every Pokemon game use the same ugly style Pokemon sprites that is used in Pokemon Red, Blue & Green.
 * You ever wanted to see what the Gen. II-Gen. VII Pokemon would be like in that? Me neither.
 * Then all the Pokémon we have today would be hideous! AAGH! Wait, I probably shouldn't have said that.
 * No evolution stones/items or trading. (not even Wonder Trading either)
 * No abilities.
 * The weather doesn't change.
 * Pikachu is replaced with an ugly rat named Rattachu. Also, it can't evolve.
 * Whenever your Pokemon faints, it dies instead.
 * No "TM/HM slave" Pokemon like Bibarel.
 * Remove good pokemon like Charizard, Sylveon, Weavile and Volcarona.
 * All the pokemon that exist are Smoochum, Zubat, Woobat, Furfrou, Jynx, Smeargle, Helioptile, Sunflora, Sunkern, Goomy and Magikarp.
 * Remove Eevee and the Eeveelutions.

PokePark Series

 * Pikachu is a serial killer.

PokePark 2 Wonders Beyond

 * At one point, have a Space Wailord suck up Pikachu, his pals and other pokemon. (And there are two new areas called "Space Wailord's Mouth" and "Space Wailord's Stomach")
 * Sounds kinda crazy to me.
 * Make Tepig perverted and like buttsex.
 * Darkrai likes to smoke cigarettes and weed.

New Super Mario Bros. Wii

 * Not incuding the Propeller Mushroom and Penguin suit. Some of like like flying and hate swimming!
 * No multiplayer.
 * Wario & Waluigi are the true final bosses of the game, and they do the most anti-climatic final boss stuff they did in that article's version of Hotel Mario.

New Super Mario Bros. U

 * No multiplayer.
 * Replace the Super Acorn with a useless power-up.
 * Remove the Baby Yoshis.
 * Every single level is taken from New Super Mario Bros. Wii.
 * Remove Nabbit.

Super Scribblenauts

 * Make Death, nuke, black hole, flood, and nuclear ___________. Make sure all are activated. Run towards all of them at the same time.
 * That would be impossible to do in any circumstance.

Super Mario Galaxy 2

 * Not having Yoshi or Yoshi power-ups.
 * Not having Luigi ghosts.
 * Having Clockwork Ruins a lot harder.
 * Make the final stage (The Ultimate Test) even more impossible than it already is.
 * Remove all other power-ups Mario can obtain.
 * You don't get the option to play as Luigi.
 * Remove all of the Lumas.
 * The Perfect Run is the first level.

Super Paper Mario

 * Make an area based on toilet-humor.
 * Count Bleck dies at the end.
 * Dimentio is absent.
 * Fracktail lets you pass very easily.
 * Bowser is not battled, just like in this article's Thousand Year Door, yet he's still playable.
 * Mr. L is only fought once.
 * Make Tippi very annoying.
 * Oh yeah, and after defeating Count Bleck, Tippi fuses with him and becomes the ultimate final boss, which happens to be a fusion of Tippi and Count Bleck, known as "Countess Morphomatter". She replaces Super Dimentio, because, well, the third bullet.
 * Perhaps Tippi acts like Dimentio later on when I said it? Who knows?

Portal

 * Remove the cake promise.
 * Make the lighting outside the test chambers darker.
 * Remove the humorous and memorable quotes in favor of lame, cheesy jokes.

Any good game

 * Remove replay value
 * Have rather ugly looking box art
 * Have product placement in the game and have the characters say "Buy (insert product advertised in the game here) or die!".
 * Add very long passwords.
 * Release them only for the Atari 5200, CD-i, Atari Jaguar, Virtual Boy, 3DO, Game.com, R-Zone, Xbox One, Sega CD and 32X, and other failed consoles.
 * Mix up the characters' names.
 * Let the bomb hit you a mile away.
 * Add useless weapons and/or powerups.
 * Make it produced by Kemco or any bad game company.
 * Make it published by LJN or any bad game company.
 * Make the single player really short and the multiplayer really long (any modern game)

Mega Man (series)

 * Have all of the weapons be short ranged
 * Remove continues
 * Remove Rush Jet (Mega Man 3-5)
 * Include a ton of spikes and other instant death traps in every stage
 * Make the Mega Man sprite look like the one from the first box art (You know, the American box art?).
 * Add useless power-ups.

Contra

 * Have no machine gun and spread gun power ups.
 * No 30 lives code.
 * Make it only a one player game.
 * Remove the ducking.

Super Street Fighter II

 * Not having Ryu and Ken.
 * Not having Balrog, Vega, Sagat, and M. Bison be playable.
 * Only having one stage to fight in.
 * No Hadoken and Shoryuken special moves.
 * Not remaking it for Game Boy Advance.

FNAF1

 * The animatronics are cheesier than Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Pasta.
 * After completing the game and the custom night, have white text that reads "CONGRATULATION YOU BEAT THE GAME YOU WIN".
 * Replace the jumpscares with a cut to static and a black screen with white text reading "NICE TRY. YAY!"
 * Have it cause yet another Gaming Crash. Undertale would help fix this.

FNAF2

 * Not having a Freddy head.
 * After finishing the minigames, you get white text reading "YOU FINISH MINIGAME. YAY."

FNAF3

 * Making all of the Phantom Animatronics capable of getting you a game over.
 * Having the 6th and final night impossible to win.
 * Making Springtrap appear more often

FNAF4

 * Make "Fun With Plushtrap" impossible to win.
 * When you do win it, have white text reading "Congratulation!! Nice try for you!"
 * Exclude all scenes before every night.
 * Make Nightmare crash your game instead of resetting it.
 * After finishing the game, have white text reading "Congratulation!! You have finished the FNAF games. And prooved why Chuck E. Cheese's is better than this garbage. Now end your hallucination, and go and rest our hero!"

Sonic Adventure 2

 * Get rid of Shadow
 * Make Shadow be the Biolizard and the Hedgehog the prototype

Super Mario Bros. (NES)

 * Please include that everything could go wrong in this game. 😱
 * Have it cause another Gaming Crash. Sega should fix this in either way.
 * After finishing the game, have white text that reads "YOU WIN. PRESS ANY BUTTON TO CONTINUE."
 * The Toad that says "Our princess is in another castle!" says "You are idiot. Princess is in the non-exist castle."

GTA 3

 * After completing "The Exchange", have white text that reads "A winner is you!".

GTA: Vice City

 * Remove Phil.
 * Entitle the game "Tommy Vercetti & Knuckles & the sky".

GTA: San Andreas

 * Have the player lose the *** train.

GTA: Liberty City Stories

 * Have the protagonist be an Italian chef named Oliver.
 * Then the wasted text would be "YOU PASTA WAY", amirite ladies?

Undertale

 * Have all of the default BGMs be heavy metal music (I mean, every single song).
 * Have Sans watch the Mega Babies.
 * Have Undyne's cooking taste good, and have that influence Papyrus to make good spaghetti.
 * Toriel is an ugly troll instead of a goat mom. So are Asriel and Asgore.
 * After completing all levels and the game, have white text reading "Conglaturation!!! You have completed a great game. And prooved the justice of our culture. Now go and rest our heroes!"
 * Make the game's bosses bad as opposed to good.
 * Same with Flowey the Flower, for some reason, but the alignment of his is flipped, until after defeating Asgore.
 * Make it so Papyrus isn't hilarious.
 * Remove the dialogue during battles.
 * This game somehow manages to combine most, if not, all of the elements of all three routes, except for Chara, Omega Flowey, and some other things too.
 * During the battle with Sans, he still dies in one hit, but he doesn't dodge attacks from you right after he uses the first attack, thus making it anti-climatic.

Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends (video game)

 * After finishing the railroad racing event in the Genesis version, have white text that reads "YOU HAVE WINNED RACE. CONGRATULATION!"
 * Have all versions cause yet another gaming crash. Nintendo would fix it this time.

Diddy Kong Racing

 * You only get to control a slippery car.
 * No cool power-ups.
 * Have only Diddy Kong be playable.
 * Add extremely long passwords.
 * Tons of glitches.
 * The music is just mindless screaming over and over again.
 * After completing the game, the text "CONGRATULATION, YOU BEAT GAME! GOOD NIGHT!" appears.
 * Make Donkey Kong the main villain, and reduce Wizpig's role to a background character.
 * Why bother having to make DK the main antagonist? To be fair, it would be out of character for DK because he's friends with Diddy Kong, but who cares, this can ruin this game.

Yo-Kai Watch

 * Make the game very short, with only five hours dedicated to the story.
 * Should you happen to own a pirated version of the game, Terror Time is triggered as soon as you try to find Yo-Kai to defeat Dismerelda, and there is no exit door, so the terror finds you immediately. This is similar to what happens if you have a pirated copy of Serious Sam 3.
 * The game's script has unfunny and childish jokes.
 * Add a lot of toilet humor.
 * The most common Yo-Kai are ones like Cheeksqueak, Fidgephant, and Touphant.
 * Add Yo-Kai based on gross-out humour.
 * The Crank-A-Kai gives out terrible Yo-Kai.

Star Wars: Twilight of the Republic playset

 * Make the podrace extremely hard.
 * Jar Jar is a main character.
 * Have a part where you go to Otoh Gunga to help Boss Nass and the Gungans.
 * Jar Jar doesn't call Darth Maul a "nasty creepo".

Inside Out playset

 * Make Anger swear more.
 * There is a shorter time limit to finish the levels.
 * Naked baby Riley makes a cameo.
 * Have there be 1,000 balloons to collect each level.
 * Bing Bong appears and his only purpose is to make toilet jokes.

Aikatsu! (Japanese arcade game)

 * If you choose Otome, she says "LOVE YOUUUU!" every time she does an appeal.
 * Make the game extremely hard.

Pripara (Japanese arcade game)

 * There are terrible Pritickets given out.

Final Fantasy VI

 * Remove Celes and Relm.
 * Remove the unique battle scenarios.
 * Remove Ultros.
 * Remove the opera scene.
 * Make it so Kefka isn't hilarious.
 * Figaro Castle is a bland old castle instead of a moving one.
 * Include several more swear words.

Touhou 6: Embodiment of the Scarlet Devil

 * The game's dialogue is replaced by a narration with no humour whatsoever.
 * Remilia is an annoying brat as opposed to a shady beauty.
 * You can only play on Lunatic mode.
 * When playing as Reimu, you can only use Reimu A. Likewise, when playing as Marisa, you can only use Marisa B.
 * Patchouli has no water or wood spells. In addition, she gains a new attack called Fire and Metal Sign "Forged Iron Casting", which is either pathetically weak or beyond overpowered.

Parappa the Rapper

 * Parappa's raps are bland, annoying, and boring
 * The bathroom rap is the pee-pee dance from TTG.
 * PaRappa is an aggressive wolf instead of a friendly dog.
 * The controls respond inappropriately.
 * The character designs are reminiscent of Clutch Cargo.
 * And also where everyone's got big lips.

Rhythm Heaven series
For the sake of US people, only the US games will count.

All

 * The timing is very strict.
 * There are no medals.
 * Only two evaluations, "Good" and "Try Again".

Rhythm Heaven Fever

 * Remove "Ringside".

Kid Icarus: Uprising

 * Palutena isn't hilarious.
 * Remove the customisable weapon selections.
 * All stages force you to play on the intensity they want you to play on.
 * Pit's design is his Of Myths and Monsters design.
 * What was wrong with that design?
 * I don't hate the design, but keeping the OMaM design would make him look out of place in the game in my opinion.
 * Remove Powers.
 * Remove Viridi.

First game

 * The first level is only Gargantuars and you only have Gold Magnet.
 * Make the game a generic war game where the plants are replaced with turrets and the zombies are replaced with soldiers.
 * The final boss is Wario and Waluigi, and just like in NSMBW and Hotel Mario, it's incredibly anticlimactic.
 * Marijuana is a plant.
 * Wait, what?

Second game

 * The first level is only gargantuars and you only have Toadstool.
 * Every boss is Multistage Masher.
 * All sun producers are premiums, and cost 100 dollars (in real money).
 * Penny is the final boss.
 * Ankylosauruses are in every level.

Heroes

 * Every card except Small-nut and Imp are legendary rarity.
 * The first level is only Zombot 1000 and you only have Seedling.
 * Instead of heroes, you get house types, and they are painfully generic.

Super Princess Peach

 * Have it say "Girls Only!" on the front cover. This makes the game sexist.
 * Remove Perry the Umbrella and replace him with a useless sidekick.
 * Get rid of the Vibes.
 * You don't get 100 Coins for defeating any of the game's bosses.

Yoshi's Island

 * Have Burt the Bashful be the boss of every fort.
 * And everytime he gets fought, he gets a bit angrier and a bit tougher.
 * Oh yeah, and worst case scenario, he can also cause earthquakes and such.
 * Remove Yoshi's transformations.
 * Not remaking it for the Game Boy Advance.
 * Poochy Ain't Stupid is the first level.
 * Have there be only 5 worlds or less.
 * Make the battle against Baby Bowser have way too many phases. (Maybe like 5 phases or more)
 * And the very last phase is.........wait for it...........another Burt the Bashful.
 * A very, very angry and very, very swole Burt the Bashful.
 * Yoshi can only throw his eggs straight forward.
 * Remove the star that transforms Baby Mario into Caped Baby Mario

Yoshi's Island DS

 * Every level is taken from Yoshi's Island.
 * Remove all of the babies.
 * Add more!

Yoshi's New Island (Even if it is a worthless game)

 * Three little words, t-posing chickens. (Actually, that's one letter with two words after it.)
 * Add more!

Overwatch
aka pixel's favorite video game WINK WINK ;))))))
 * Get rid of the Support heroes. (In the games, Support heroes can heal people when they get low on health, except Symmetra, as she does not heal people)
 * In addition, remove all skins that aren't the default ones.
 * Don't forget removing the victory poses that aren't default!
 * No voice lines that aren't the default either!
 * Sombra's hacking abilities are replaced with Minecraft building skills. In addition, she also cannot be invisible.
 * D.Va is changed to an Asian stereotype named Ching-Chang who isn't a Tank hero, but rather a background character that serves no relevance to the plot.
 * No credits or loot boxes.
 * Junkrat is replaced with a polished, well-behaved 13 year old named Benjamin who's weapon is a harmless 1 carat diamond, which brings little to no damage upon enemies.
 * If you choose Pharah, she says "اللعنة لك! (lit. *** you!)" in a high-pitched, thick Arabic accent.
 * Players are stuck on the low levels, with the highest being 5.
 * No Quick Play or Practice Range.
 * The game constantly glitches and lags.
 * No voice channel or chat while playing with other players.
 * The maximum amount of ammunition a hero can have is 10.
 * No sniper heroes.
 * Replace Mei with another Asian stereotype named Oichi who acts like Orihime from Bleach.
 * The music is just 6 year old kids screaming into a microphone to the tune of hit pop songs of the respective year. (i.e In 2016, you get kids screaming to the tune of "Bad Blood" by Taylor Swift)
 * Ugly-looking box art which shows Tracer snorting cocaine with her girlfriend Emily while a TV in the background is showing an episode of The Nutshack.
 * The characters often shout homophobic slurs at Tracer (it has been confirmed in a comic that she is a lesbian)
 * Have product placement in it and have McCree say "Buy (insert product advertised here) or it'll be high noon! As in "high noon", it means I'll kill you!"
 * It mainly shows product placement for McDonald's, Yankee Candle, the iPad pro and Kidz Bop and Mini Pop Kids CDs).
 * Most of the powerups are bad.
 * The shading and lighting are both put in places where it shouldn't be a la Super K/Kiara The Brave.
 * The controls are extra sloppy.
 * The graphics look like something out of the Japanese Pokemon Red and Green releases.
 * Whenever someone kills you, you can't play as the hero that got killed again. (i.e If you play as Junkrat Benjamin and you die, this means you cannfot play as him again)
 * And because of that, you'll have to find a way to play as them again.
 * Include the cast of Kuu Kuu Harajuku and Paddy The Pelican as playable heroes.
 * Give it scary vibes.
 * Winston is replaced with a normal, everyday gorilla that does not have the ability to speak.
 * The artwork and designs are done by first graders.
 * Forced educational and family-unfriendly aesops are forced in whenever you get a kill streak.
 * Zarya is de-aged to a toddler and is a spoiled brat. Much alike D.Va Ching-Chang, Zarya also serves as an irrelevant, unplayable background character.
 * Make the Zarya and Mei Oichi shipping become canon. (WHY?! FING WHY?!}
 * There's a playable character whose weapon is beyond overpowered and can shoot everyone or everything in one single hit.

Digimon World

 * Make Numemon, Sukamon, and Nanimon the ONLY Champion-level Digimon that Rookie-level Digimon can evolve to

Doom/The Ultimate Doom

 * Every track is replaced with the Doom song
 * THAT ACTUALLY MIGHT BE GOD?????//
 * EVERY ENEMY IS A HITSCANER
 * REPLACE THE CACODEMON WITH CACADEMON, THAT POOPS ON YOU SO IT'S UNFUNNY

Ape Escape 1

 * Not remaking it for the PSP.
 * Retitle it "Alt Escape 3"
 * then Ape Escape 2 and 3 are named Alt Escape 4 and 5, respectively
 * Now I may wanna wonder what Alt Escape 1 and 2 will look like.
 * Get rid of Jake.

Sonic Forces

 * The game is in development for half as long.

Doki Doki Literature Club

 * Everyone in the club has the same personality as Sayori's.
 * Remove the ability to write your own poems.
 * No horror is present whatsoever. Like, literally. None.
 * Replace Monika with one of those Pretty Cure girls. (Wait, that reference is unintentional)

Metal Masters

 * Prevent How To Properly Clean Your Metal Computer from being created

OneShot

 * Niko says a lot of cringy quotes
 * On Little Cat Feet is the entire OST
 * Increase the difficulty\

Sonic Mania

 * Make the story a stupid one.
 * Not make it focused on Classic Sonic.
 * Make it 3D.
 * Insert all the new characters.
 * Don't include the HBH (Hard Boiled Heavies).
 * Make the stages weird.
 * Make Sanic a unlockable character.
 * Don't put any special stages.
 * All the musics are played by a banjo.
 * Make everyone die at the end (Starting with Dr. Eggman (by being flatten by a wrecking ball on top of his machine) and then the rest (from a humongous explosion).
 * Every boss (including the Final Boss) in this game is only the Egg Mobile-H.
 * Put waaaaaaaaay too many rings in a zone.
 * All the stages are Kaizo.
 * All the characters are voiced by a teenager.
 * Remove running, spin-dashing, drop-dashing, Insta-shield, Super Peel Out and Power Ups from the game.
 * Cheesy jokes and quotes in the game.
 * All the zones have only one theme, underwater.
 * The Badniks are only The Slowest Red Pest In The World and Evil Mr. Krabs.
 * The graphics are changed to that of Sonic Suggests (a fan-game).

Crash Bandicoot

 * Release it on NES.
 * Reskinned edition of Super Mario Bros.
 * Make it unfair.
 * All the bosses are lame as heck. (Ripper Roo only jumping from Left to Right)
 * Dr N. Cortex's boss is really easy. He shoots only his ray gun at Crash.
 * Replace Papu Papu as a fat monkey lord of the jungle, who constantly says "OOH HA! CRASH OOH HA!".
 * Just like that one Sir Isaac video, Papu Papu will be renamed as "Papa Poo Poo Ma".
 * Pinstripe Potoroo's boss will have Pinstripe constantly saying cuss words at Crash.
 * When you win the game, you don't get Tawna. Instead, you get a white screen.
 * N. Brio is drunk in this game. In his boss battle, he will try to spike you with beer.
 * Some Crates are almost impossible to get.
 * The Great Hall is removed.
 * No chase sequences. They are replaced with a lame minigame called "GET NEO CORTEX!".
 * Crash says constantly, "Yeah!", "w00t!" and "Winner Winner Wumpa Fruit for Dinner!".
 * Remove Token stages.
 * You die in a stage if you don't collect all the crates in a level.
 * Every boss has 9 hit points.