Epic Gamer Airlines

Pro gamers and chad-passing incels, welcome aboard Epic Gamer flight 69420 bound for the 9th layer of Hell, with continued service to Iraq international airport. All carry on items should now be stored tight. Either in an overhead bin or up your ass vored. All aisles, exits, and bulkhead areas should now be clear. All electronic devices, including your fucking switch, should now be turned off and stowed, as they may interfere with the aircraft's navigational and communication systems. Once airborne, we'll let you know when you may use approved electronic devices, but note that some items may not be used at anytime during the flight such as large electronics, metal detectors, and fuckin' guns. You'll find a list of approved devices in the in-flight information section of epic gamer magazine. At this time if you're someone who unironically calls Enid thicc, please let us know, and we'll be happy to drag you off the aircraft. As we leave the gate, make sure your seatbelt is fastened. If you don’t know how to fasten the fucking seatbelt, then you can kindly go to seat 34B where John will kindly let you watch nothing but the scene in "Float On" where Frown gets a churro in his eye and then fucking dies. Remain seated with your seatbelt securely fastened anytime the seatbelt sign is on. For everyone's safety, federal regulations require all passengers to comply with the posted placards and lighted signs located throughout the cabin, as well as any crew-member instructions. Smoking is not allowed on any Epic Gamer flight, unless you share the blunt with the pilot and federal law prohibits tampering with, disabling, or destroying a restroom smoke detector unless you have to. There are 2 exits on our INC3L A420-666. 1 door, on the left side of the main deck, and a window that is breakable if you have the will. All exits are clearly marked with a Supreme logo, however, if we experience a loss of power resulting in cabin visibility being reduced, you’re fucked. Please take a moment to find the exits closest to you, keeping in mind that your closest exit may be behind you. If there is a drop in cabin pressure, panels above your seat will open, revealing an open panel. If this happens, breathe normally and note that no oxygen is flowing. A water evacuation is likely during this flight, as our pilot is suicidal and plans on not landing the aircraft, however, life vests are located under your seats in the first class and Business cabin. If you're seated in the economy class cabins, you’re on your own buddy. To use, pull the tab to remove the vest from it's container. Open the pouch, slip the vest over your head, and tighten the two straps till you start to asphyxiate and die. Most seat cushions can be used for flotation as well. Before we take off, be sure your seat backs are in the upright and locked position, your tray table is put away, and all carry on items are securely stowed. As we come through the cabin for our final safety checks, please let us know if you have any questions. Once again, welcome aboard Epic Gamer flight 69420 bound for the 9th layer of Hell, and thank you for flying Epic Gamer.