If the Super Mario games were pay-to-win mobile games

Inspired by this Reddit post.


 * Ads galore!
 * Bowser's Castle is currently closed. You only get one attempt per day! You must wait 23:59:26, or purchase a Castle Pass. Would you like to purchase a Castle Pass for 250 Mushroom Gems?
 * Super Mushroom 15 Pack ONLY $6 for a limited time!
 * Christmas Sale! Penguin Suits available FREE for a limited time.
 * Power ups automatically disappear after 2 days. To keep your power-ups, please pay 5 Mushroom Gems.
 * Hammer Suits and Super Stars available for $99.99 with the purchase of the Super Player’s Package! Also inclues 25 1-Up Mushrooms and 20 Cape Feathers!
 * Maximum number of lives is 5.
 * Your lives will regenerate in 45:08. Would you like to speed up for 12 Mushroom Gems?
 * 10 Mushroom Gems = $20
 * 500 Mushroom Gems = $200 (best deal!)
 * The Item Slot is unlockable for 50 Mushroom Gems.
 * To travel to more worlds in the Mushroom Kingdom, you must have 5 friends. Would you like to connect to Facebook now?
 * Like us on Facebook and receive a free Cape Feather!
 * Mister Fuckshits McGee invited you to play Super Pocket Mario!
 * Mister Fuckshits McGee just beat World 1-1!
 * Mister Fuckshits McGee needs YOUR HELP defeating Boom Boom!
 * We miss you! Come back and you'll get 3 Fire Flowers and a Cape Feather!
 * Summer Sale! Fire Flowers only 15 Mushroom Gems until August 12th!
 * Nabbit got away with your stolen power-ups! Would you like to get them back for $9.99?
 * Nabbit is an unlockable playable character. To unlock him, you have to capture him at least once and pay 500 Mushroom Gems right after.