Inside Out (the bad version)/Transcript

===Hey, it's BP here. This is a script for the bad version of Inside Out from How To Make Good Movies Bad. Is the Brief Construction Montage tophat still on this site? I need it because nobody has finished this script, as it's been archived from the old RNW (yes, I'm aware this is a joke, but it's all in gud fun; also other users can contribute to this page, fyi) Also is there a "so hilariously awful" tophat here? Just a couple notes from your friendly neighbourhood Plague Doctor.===

The script
[Wolf Tracer Studios logo followed by Paramount Pictures]

[Black screen]

Anger (off screen): Do you ever look at someone and wonder... "What is going on inside their fucking head?" Well, I know. Well, I know Riley's head. And there she was...

(Screen fades to show baby Riley, and zooms into her head)

(Out of the darkness a red light glows, and Anger appears.)

Anger: Hmm?

(Anger pushes a single large button, and Anger sees Riley's parents.)

[Consciousness screen]

Riley's mother: Hola. Riley. Look at you.

Riley's father: Aren't you a little bundle of anger? Aren't you a little bundle of anger?

(Angry memory rolls in.)

Anger: Whoa.

(Anger pushes the memory on the track.)

Anger (off screen): It was fucking amazing. Just Riley and me. Forever... for 33 seconds.

(Riley cries, and Anger turns, showing Sadness.)

Sadness: I'm Sadness.

Anger: Hello. I... I'm Anger. So... Can just... If you could.... I just want to fucking fix that. Thanks. And that was just the beginning. Headquarters only got more fucking crowded from there. Very nice. Okay, looks like you got this.

[Riley's POV]

(Riley is now three years old, and is moving a wagon.)

(Fear appears.)

'''Fear: Very good. Sharp turn! No!

(Riley walks in front of a cord.)

Fear: Look out! No!

(Riley stops and steps over the cord.)

Anger: That's Fear. He's really good at keeping Riley safe.

Fear (off screen): Easy.... We're good. We're good.

(Fearful memory rolls in.)

Anger/Sadness: Whew./Nice job.

Fear: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Anger: And we're back!

(Riley starts running again, but her father picks her up and sits her at the table)

Riley's father: Here we go again. Alright, open.

(Riley's father lifts the spoon into Riley's mouth.)

Anger: Hmm. This looks new.

Fear/Sadness: Do you think it's safe?/What is it?

(Screen shows broccoli.)

(Disgust appears.)

Disgust: Eew! That's disgusting!

Anger: This is Disgust. She basically keeps Riley from being poisoned, physically and socially.

Disgust: Eew! That's disgusting!

(Disgust gags and pulls a lever.)

Young Riley: Yucky!

(Riley swats the broccoli and it lands on her father's face.)

(Disgusted memory rolls in.)

Riley's father: Riley, if you don't eat your dinner, you're not gonna get any tacos.

(Joy appears.)

Joy: Wait. Did he just say we couldn't have tacos?

Anger: That's Joy. She cares very deeply about things being fair.

Joy: So that's how you want to play it, old man? No tacos? Sure, we'll eat our dinner! Right after you eat this! Yayyyyy!

(Joyous memory rolls in.)

(Joy takes the controls and Riley jumps everywhere, excited.)

Riley's father: Riley, Riley, here comes an avión!

(Riley's father is holding a spoon.)

(Joy stops cheering.)

(Anger notices the spoon.)

Anger: Oh, airplane. We got a fucking airplane, everybody.

Disgust: Eew! That's disgusting!

Fear, Sadness, and Anger: Ohh!/Ahh!/Airplane!

(Riley's father lands the spoon in Riley's mouth.)

(Angry memory rolls in.)

Anger: And you've met Sadness. She...well, she...I'm not actually sure what she does.

(Flash cuts to Riley crying.)

Anger: And I've checked, there's no fucking place for her to go, so she's good, we're good. It's fucking great!

(Sadness exits, and Anger turns to show a wall full of angry memories.)

Anger: Anyway! These are Riley's memories - and they're mostly angry, you'll notice, not to brag.

(Anger picks up a memory, showing three-year-old Riley playing on the swing with her friend Dora.)

Anger: But the really important ones are over here. I don't want to get too fucking technical, but these are called core memories.

(Anger pops open the machine, showing the core memories.)

Anger: Each one came from a super important time in Riley's life. Like when she first scored a goal? That was so fucking amazing!

(Memory shows two-and-a-half-year old Riley playing hockey.)

(Riley falls but accidentally scores a goal.)

Riley's parents: Olé! Would you look at that?! We got a future center here!

(A really bright red memory rolls in.)

Anger: And each core memory powers a different aspect of Riley's personality. Like Hockey Island!

(Camera turns, showing the islands.)

Anger: Goofball Island is my personal least favorite.

(Memory shows Riley as a toddler, running naked.)

(Riley's father is chasing her with a towel.)

Riley's father: Come back here, you little monkey!

Young Riley: Bad news - Riley's future self doesn't really care about you anymore! She cares more about hockey and pop idols! And now, I will do a silly monkey dance to torture you!

(Riley dances on the sofa before pooping.)

(Bing Bong appears.)

Bing Bong: I have a better idea for torture!

Bing Bong (singing):

Animal crackers in my soup,

Monkeys and rabbits loop the loop.

Gosh oh gee but I have fun,

Swallowing animals one by one.

In every bowl of soup I see,

Lions and tigers watching me,

I make 'em jump right through a hoop,

Those animal crackers in my soup.

When I get hold of the big bad wolf,

I just push him under to drown,

Then bite him in a million bits,

And gobble him right down.

When they're inside me where it's dark,

I walk around like Noah's Ark.

Stuff my tummy like a goop,

With animal crackers in my soup.

Animal crackers in my soup,

Do funny things to me,

They make me think my neighborhood

Is a big menagerie.

For instance there's our janitor,

His name is Mr. Klein,

And when he hollers at us kids,

He reminds me of a lion,

The grocer is so big and fat,

He has a big mustache,

He looks just like a walrus, just before he takes a splash!

Young Riley: Nooooooooooo! You can't be better than me!

(Bing Bong is seen trying to poop on her, but fortunately we cut to commercials.)

(Stage with red curtains)

Kermit: Thank you, thank you, and welcome again to The Muppet Show!

(Cuts to seats with Muppets and The Muppet Show logo moving across the screen)

Announcer: Introducing the original, the best of The Muppet Show! Now on home video!

Audience: Yayyyy!

(Cuts to Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem playing music, with logo and phone number on screen)

Announcer: Call this toll-free number now and we'll send you your first Muppets video! Use your credit card and we'll throw in a second video! More Muppet mania featuring your favorite stars!

(Cuts to film preview)

C-3PO: Doesn't look like a princess to me!

Miss Piggy (as Princess Leia): Watch it, hardware!

(Cuts to background of a Veterinarian's Hospital sketch, showing two videos with price)

Announcer: That's two complete uncut Muppet videos for only $19.99! But that's not all! Call within the next 10 minutes and we'll cut the price in half! We'll send you two hilarious videos for only $9.99!

(Cuts to Fozzie and Kermit backstage)

(Fozzie taps Kermit)

Fozzie Bear: Trust me.

(Cuts to seats with Muppets and price with videos on screen)

Announcer: Then preview other great Muppets videos! Keep only those you want! Cancel anytime!

(Cuts to Fozzie and Kermit in front of closed curtains)

(Fozzie Bear slaps pie on Kermit's face)

Announcer: The Best of the Muppet Show is not available in stores so call now!

Fozzie Bear: Ayyyyy

(Cuts to information about video)

Announcer: Call 1-800-216-9977 and get two great Muppet Show videos for only $9.99 when you use your credit card! Or send $9.99 plus $3.99 shipping and handling to get rest the of them for free! Call now or order online at Timelife.com!

(Cuts to CGI Furby with 2005 Furby logo)

Kids: Hey Furby!

(Music plays in background)

(Cuts to girl playing with a Furby)

Girl: Hey Furby!

Furby:Yeah?

Girl: Show me a dance!

(Furby moves its legs while kids dance in the background)

Boy and girl: Hey Furby!

Furby: Doo?

Girl: Tell me a joke!

Furby: Knock knock!

Kids: Hey Furby!

Furby: What?

Girl: Sing me a song!

Furby: Me no listen.

(Cuts to two Furbies next to each other)

Announcer: With new Furby, you never know what's gonna happen! You just gotta say,

Kids: HEY FURBY!

(Girl hugs Furby)

Girl: I love you.

Announcer: New Furby, each sold separately. Batteries not included. You can find more fun at Hasbro.com.

(Camera cuts to kids running outside for recess)

(Kids spin Skip-It around their legs)

Singer:

Hey now kids come gather 'round!

See what just skipped into town,

So Skip-It, Skip-It, you want to jump to the top,

Skip-It, Skip-It, skippin' and a screamin' and bop shoo bop!

'Cause the very best thing of all,

There's a counter on this ball!

So try to beat your very best score,

See if you can jump a whole lot more!

Skip-It, Skip-It, come on everybody!

Announcer: Skip-It! Roarin' good fun, from Tiger Toys!

(Cuts to room with animated Mr. Bucket)

Kids: It's Mr. Bucket!

Mr. Bucket: That's right! I'm Mr. Bucket!

Mr. Bucket (singing):

I'm Mr. Bucket!

I'm Mr. Bucket, toss your balls in my top

I'm Mr. Bucket, out of my mouth they will pop!

I'm Mr. Bucket!

We're all gonna run!

I'm Mr. Bucket! Buckets of fun!

Announcer: The game's Mr. Bucket! The first to get their balls into Mr. Bucket wins! But look out, 'cause the balls will pop out of his mouth!

Mr. Bucket (singing):

I'm Mr. Bucket, balls pop into my mouth

I'm Mr. Bucket, a ball is what I'm about!

I'm Mr. Bucket!

We're all gonna run!

I'm Mr. Bucket!

Buckets of fun!

Buckets of fun!

Kid: I win! I win!

Announcer: Mr. Bucket from Milton Bradley.

Mr. Bucket (singing): Buckets of fun!

(Cuts to fishbowl with goldfish swimming, and Tamagotchi in front of the fishbowl)

Goldfish: Well, isn't Tamagotchi her new favorite pet?

Girl: Yeah.

(Girl grabs Tamagotchi and runs out of the room)

Goldfish: So what does that make me? Fish sticks?

(Shows different angle of the room, no longer focusing on just the fishbowl)

Girl: Oh are you hungry?

Goldfish: Oh no no no no no! By all means, feed it! Play your heart's content!

(Girl shows the goldfish her Tamagotchi)

Girl: Look, Goldie! I took good care of her and she changed again!

Goldfish: Change?

(Goldfish jumps)

Goldfish: How about changes in water?

Mom (voice only): Katie, bus is here!

Goldfish: So Tamagotchi can cause...I think Boss too. Wanna see that again?

Announcer: Tamagotchi: The original virtual reality pet! Your chair determines the pets you get!

(Cuts back to film)

Bing Bong: Buy our stuff or I'll poop on you!

Anger: Yup, Goofball is the fucking worst! Friendship Island is pretty bad too.

(Anger looks at Friendship Island.)

(Memory shows Riley and Dora walking with arms linked.)

Anger: Oh, fucking hate Honesty Island! And that's the truth!

(Memory shows young Riley next to a broken plate with a hammer behind her back.)

Anger: And, of course, Family Island is fucking terrible.

(Memory shows young Riley with her parents serving burritos.)

(Riley stuffs a burrito into her father's mouth.)

Anger: The point is, those fucking Islands of Personality are what make Riley... Riley!

(Bathroom showing young Riley playing while taking a bath.)

Young Riley: Look out, mermaid!

(Living room showing Riley climbing the couch, looking down at the floor.)

(Cut to Headquarters showing Anger turning on lava control.)

Young Riley: Lava!

(Riley jumps off of the couch and lands on a chair.)

(Back in the house, young Riley is drawing on the wall.)

Riley (singing):

Step to the left, now step to the right,

Put your knees together and squeeze 'em tight,

Keep your arms moving side to side,

Try to hold it in 'till it's time to ride,

Knock, Knock, Let me in!

Knock, Knock, Let me in! I gotta go!

Uh! Knock, Knock, Let me in!

Knock, Knock, Let Me in! I gotta go!

Keep moving now, don't you stop,

Hold it in till it's time to drop,

Let me in before I pop.

Too late, gotta grab the mop.

Knock, Knock, Let me in!

Knock, knock, Let me in! I gotta go! Uh!

Knock, knock, Let me in!

Knock, Knock, Let me in! I gotta go!

(In the New Mexico skating rink, six-year-old Riley skates around.)

(The headquarters shows Anger skating in sync with Riley.)

(Riley skates backwards.)

Riley's parents: Hey! Very nice! Where did you learn that?

(The headquarters shows Anger skating in sync with Riley.)

(The front steps show Riley and Dora drinking Icee slushees.)

Anger: Buy your Icee slush now!

(Riley grimaces.)

Riley: Ice headache!

Fear: Brain freeze!

All of the emotions: I scream, you scream, we all scream for Icee!

(All of the emotions scream as they freeze.)

(Back to the skating rink, kids are playing hockey.)

(Riley takes a shot and scores.)

Anger: Raaah!

(Cut to Riley's bedroom, Riley's parents tuck her into bed.)

Riley's father: Buenas nochés, kiddo!

Riley: Buenas noches, Papá.

(Riley looks at the stars on the ceiling and falls asleep.)

Anger: And...we're out. That's what I'm fucking talking about, another Godawful day! Terrible job everybody! Let's get those fucking memories down to Long Term.

(Anger pulls a lever and the memories start rolling down.)

Fear: Alright, we did not die today! Call that an unqualified success.

(The memories pachinko down and go up a chute, gliding down the tubes for a distance before shooting out, like shooting stars.)

Anger (off screen): And that's it! We fucking hate our girl. She's got terrible friends and a terrible house. Things couldn't be worse. After all, Riley's 11 now. What could happen?

[Cuts to present day]

(Cut to house with sign reading "Moving sign: Sold!" before cutting back to headquarters.)

Anger: Wha...?

Sadness, Fear, Joy, and Disgust: AllIIlIGH!

(A packed car hatchback slams shut.)

Anger: Huh?

Sadness, Fear, Joy, and Disgust: AllIIlIGH!

(A van drives away.)

Anger: Ok, not what I fucking had in mind.

Sadness, Fear, Joy, and Disgust: AIIIIIGH!

(Series of shots of car driving down highway.)

(Credits reading "From the creators of The Rapsittie Street Kids: Believe in Santa" appear.)

(Title card reading "Inside Out" appears.)

(The car drives across the bridge. Riley looks out the window.)