Moon Speech Parodies

Someone had to.

...When Masato Osuki acted like a dick to his mom
'I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT, MASATO "DICKHEAD" OSUKI IS A BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE. THAT'S RIGHT, HE TOOK HIS HUMAN FUCKING QUILL-Y DICK OUT AND HE PISSED ON MY FUCKING WIFE AND HE SAID HIS DICK WAS THIS BIG AND I SAID "THAT'S DISGUSTING." SO I'M MAKING A CALL-OUT POST ON MY TWITTER DOT COM. MASATO "DICKHEAD" OSUKI YOU GOT A SMALL DICK, IT'S THE SIZE OF THIS WALNUT EXCEPT WAY SMALLER, AND GUESS WHAT? HERE'S WHAT MY DONG LOOKS LIKE. THAT'S RIGHT BABY, ALL POINTS, NO QUILLS, NO PILLOWS, LOOK AT THAT IT LOOKS LIKE TWO BALLS AND A BONG! HE FUCKED MY WIFE, SO GUESS WHAT? I'M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH! THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET! MY SUPER LASER PISS! EXCEPT I'M NOT GONNA PISS ON THE EARTH. I'M GONNA GO HIGHER. I'M PISSING ON THE MOON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT OBAMA? I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE 23 HOURS UNTIL THE PISS DROPLETS HIT THE FUCKING EARTH, NOW GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO'

When he was told to diss on Dragon Ball Super
I've come to make an annoucement. *ahem* 'DRAGON BALL SUPER IS A BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER, IT RUINED THE FUCKING TIMELINE, ONE DAY IT SHOWED UP IN MY TIMELINE AND FUCKED IT UP AND I SAID "THAT'S TERRIBLE WRITING!" SO I'M WRITING A CALL OUT ON MY TWITTER DOT COM: DRAGON BALL SUPER YOU RUINED THE TIMELINE, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AFTER THE DRAGON BALL GT SAGA, NOT BEFORE THE DRAGON BALL Z BEFORE THE BUU SAGA, IT FUCKED UP THE TIMELINE, BUT GUESS WHAT? I'LL FUCK IT UP AND TEAR IT APART, FOR THE SAKE OF THE FANS!'

When Marie Poppo stole his victory on 100% Orange Juice
I've come to make an announcement: Marie Poppo's a bitch-ass motherfucker, she pissed on my fucking wife. That's right, she carefully aimed out her coochie and she pissed on my fucking wife, and she said her luck was "this big", and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Marie Poppo, you've got a stupid look, It's the look of this rat except WAY uglier. And guess what? Here's what my luck looks like: that's right baby, all points, no cards, no bad rolls— look at that, it looks like two 7 rolls and a big bang. She fucked my wife, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

Not because Lemongrab did anything in particular, he's just a bitch
I've come to make an announcement: Lemongrab is a bitch-ass motherfucker! He pissed on my fucking boyfriend! That's right, he took his lemon fucking sour dick out, and he PISSED on my fucking boyfriend, and he said his dungeon was "this big" and I said "That's disgusting!". So I'm making a call-out post on my twitter.com: Lemongrab, you've got a stupid head! It's the look of this tripe except way grosser! And guess what!? Here's what my face looks like! *BOOM* That's right, baby! All hats, no fruits, no long nose! Look at that, it looks like a planet with an antennae! He fucked my boyfriend, so guess what, I'M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH! THAT'S RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET; MY SUPER LASER PISS!!!!! EXCEPT I'M NOT GONNA PISS ON THE EARTH; I'M GONNA GO HIGHER! I'M PISSING ON THE MOOOOON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, OBAMA!? I PISSED ON THE MOON YOU IDIOT! YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE THE PISS DRRRROPLLLLLETS HIT THE FUCKING EARTH! NOW GET OUT OF MY FUCKING SIGHT BEFORE I PISS ON YOU TOO.

Overly verbose
I have arrived to the premises to formulate an announcement: Shadow the spiky rodent has demonstrated himself to be a bitch-ass motherfucker. He has urinated upon my female partner. This is true, he exposed his spiky rodent genitalia to her, then proceeded to urinate upon her, and stated to the world that the genitalia he posessed is "this big". In response, I retorted "That is very discomforting". Because of this, I am creating a post on Twitter.com dedicated to exposing his flaws: Shadow the spiky rodent, despite your claims, your genitalia is rather undersized. Its size is comparable to this edible seed, but it is far smaller than the seed. And would you believe this? I am about to demonstrate the absolute girth of my own genitalia. *Boom* You would be correct, recently born homo sapien. This genitalia has gained its size from points alone, with no support from quills similar to Shadow's, or any pillows. Treat your eyes to this sight, my genitalia looks similar to two reproductive organs and a single drug enhancer. Shadow the spiky rodent has mated with my female partner, so in response, I will fornicate the planet we live on. Correct, this is what you will receive: MY EXTREMELY POWERFUL, PIERCING LIGHT URINE! However, despite what you may expect, I will not urinate upon the planet. I plan to go beyond even that: I AM URINATING UPON THE ROCK THAT REVOLVES AROUND THE PLANET AND CONTROLS THE WAVES!!!! HOW ARE YOU SUPPORTIVE OF THIS ACTION, 44TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!? I HAVE URINATED UPON THE MOON, YOU HUMAN OF LOW INTELLIGENCE!! YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE DRRRROPLLLLETS OF MY URINE WILL FALL OFF THE MOON AND LAND ON THE PLANET THAT WE LIVE ON, SO YOU NEED TO LEAVE MY VIEW IMMEDIATELY, OR ELSE I WILL DECIDE TO URINATE UPON YOU AS WELL.

When Rimi pissed on her GF
I've come to make an announcement: Rimiguji's a bitch-ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking girlfriend. That's right, he took his human-fuckin' quilly dick out and he pissed on my fucking girlfriend, and he said his dick was "this big," and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Rimiguji, you've got a small dick, It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my junk looks like: that's right baby, all noobs, no anime, no Bandori— look at that, it looks like a deathship and a laser canon. He fucked my girlfriend, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

The first of many - "In which Kokoro Pisses on Kevin's Daughter"
I've come to make an announcement: Kokoro Tsurumaki's a bitch-ass motherfucker, she pissed on my fucking daughter. That's right, she carefully aimed out her coochie and she pissed on my fucking daughter, and she said her happiness was "this big", and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Kokoro, you've got a stupid look, It's the look of this rat except WAY uglier. And guess what? Here's what my Bandori luck looks like: that's right baby, all full combos, no 2* duplicates, no bad gacha rolls— look at that, it looks like two 4* cards and a Live Boost. She pissed on my daughter, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing ON THE MOON! How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

I call this one "Don't Yeet Balls at Your Bro - A Callout Post from Luan to Lynn"
I've come to make an announcement: Lynn is a bitch-ass motherfucker, she threw a soccer ball at my fucking brother. That's right, she took her motherfucking soccer ball and she threw it at my fucking brother, and she said her brain was "this big," and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Lynn, you've got a small brain, It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my brain looks like: that's right baby, all jokes, no sports, no yelling— look at that, it looks like what every brain should look like. She injured my brother, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing  ON THE MOON ! How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too! You've really PISS-ed me off now! Geddit?

And now here's "Ronniecoln in a Nutshell: Lincoln's Side of the Story"
I've come to make an announcement: Ronnie Anne is a bitch-ass motherfucker, she shoved a fucking sloppy joe down my pants. That's right, she took her motherfucking sloppy joe burger and she shoved it down my fucking pants, and she said her brain was "this big," and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Ronnie Anne, you've got a small brain, It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my brain looks like: that's right baby, all comic books, no sloppy joes, no humiliation— look at that, it looks like what every brain should look like. She shoved a sloppy joe down my pants, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing  ON   THE MOON ! How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

And here's "Ronniecoln in a Nutshell: Ronnie's Side of the Story - The Sequel Nobody Wanted"
I've come to make an announcement: Lincoln Loud is a bitch-ass motherfucker, he insulted me behind his back in the middle of a restaurant. That's right, he took my kindness to his advantage and fucking backstabbed me in a restaurant, and he said his brain was "this big," and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Lincoln, you've got a small brain, It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my brain looks like: that's right baby, all skateboarding and k-pop, no distrust, no sadness— look at that, it looks like what every brain should look like. He hurt my feelings in public, so guess what, I'm gonna fuck the EARTH. That's right, this is what you get: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing  ON   THE MOON ! How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!

And now... "After April Fools: An Announcement from Lincoln"
I have come to make an announcement: Luan Loud is a bitch-ass motherfucker, she pranked me to hell and back last April Fools Day and didn't apologise. That's right, she just went and nearly killed me several times, and she said clown nose was "this big," and I said "that's disgusting," so I'm making a callout post on my Twitter.com: Luan, you've got a small clown nose, It's the size of this walnut except WAY smaller. And guess what? Here's what my clown nose looks like: that's right baby, all innocence, no pranking, no pain— look at that, it looks like what every clown nose should look like. She pranked me, so guess what, I, Lincoln Loud, am gonna fuck the EARTH! That's right, this is what you get, Luan: MY SUPER LASER PISS!! Except I'm not gonna piss on the Earth, I'm gonna go higher; I'm pissing  ON   THE MOON ! How do you like that, Obama? I PISSED ON THE MOON, YOU IDIOT! You have twenty-three hours before the piss drrrrroplllllllets hit the fucking Earth, now get outta my fucking sight, before I piss on you too!