No Man's Pirates/Episodes/The Captain Gets Sick

"The Captain Gets Sick!" is the first segment of the eighth episode of the first season of No Man's Pirates. It is eleven minutes long.

Synopsis
After the No Man's Pirates find out that Cap'n Madi slept in very late, they wake her up, only to find out that she's come down with a virus! She's gotten a fever, a sore throat, and an upset stomach, but when Cap'n Madi refuses to eat anything, things end up getting worse. Will Cap'n Madi feel better?

Transcript
(Open to the No Man's Pirates (excluding Madi) sitting in a circle.)

Heymondbeard: Hey, hey, are we ready for the day?

Spud: Yup, yup! Except for one little problem.

Wolfie: It's 10 in the morning and Madi still hasn't gotten up!

Heymondbeard: Hey, that's not normal. She normally wakes up around 8:30.

Spud: So, should we check on her?

Heymondbeard: Hey, that's what we're gonna do right now.

(Cut to the No Man's Pirates beside Madi.)

Heymondbeard: Hey Captain, why on Earth are you sleeping in this late?

(Madi weakly gets up.)

Wolfie: Madi, you look terrible!

Spud: What happened?

Madi: My head, my throat, and my stomach were hurting all night.

Heymondbeard: Oh, dear.

(Heymondbeard feels Madi's forehead.)

Heymondbeard: Hey, you're running a fever.

Wolfie: Certainly not in the mood for getting up, I'm sure.

Madi: Dudebeard, I don't feel so well.

(Madi puts her paw over her mouth, about to vomit.)

Spud: By golly, take cover!

(Spud ducks as Madi throws up. Heymondbeard tries to duck as well, but he gets thrown up on.)

Heymondbeard: Hey!

Spud: You're disgusting!

Madi: Sorry, guys.

Heymondbeard: (sighs) That's okay, Captain. Just go get some rest while I get in the hot springs to clean myself up. Roar if you need any of us.

(Madi lies back down, groaning. While Heymondbeard and Wolfie walk out of the room, Spud stays behind.)

Spud: And I will be your doctor.

Madi: Spud, are you serious? You've never been to med school.

Spud: You just tell me what you want and I’ll try to make you feel better.

Madi: I feel thirsty.

Spud: Okay then.

(Spud runs off and then gets Madi a canteen of water.)

Madi: Thanks.

(While Madi drinks her canteen of water, Spud opens up a book.)

Spud: By golly, I've got all of the info here! So list off your symptoms.

Madi: Wonky stats.

Spud: Could it be Pokérus?

Madi: If it was, then I would be doing other stuff instead of feeling like I'm slowly dying. I've also got a fever, a sore throat, and a stomach-ache.

Spud: Mmm-hmm. Anything else?

(Madi covers her mouth and hurriedly runs out of bed. She is then heard vomiting offscreen.)

Madi: Throwing up. There goes my glass of water.

Spud: This patient's quite a handful.

(Cut to Heymondbeard and Wolfie about to enter the hut.)

Heymondbeard: Hey, I heard Spud say that he was going to be Madi's doctor, so he had better not be getting into trouble.

(Wolfie and Heymondbeard look into the hut, only to find Madi missing.)

Heymondbeard: Oh, no, why isn't Madi in bed?

Wolfie: She must be throwing up.

Heymondbeard: Hey, Spud! Come here!

(Spud walks in.)

Spud: Yes?

Heymondbeard: Have you seen Madi anywhere?

Spud: Shortly after she threw up, she ended up running off with her tail between her legs. I think she said some things about the hot springs.

Heymondbeard: Hey! She must be looking for us or hopefully not throwing up in the hot springs! I'm gonna go find her.

(Cut to Heymondbeard finding Madi weakly washing her trousers in the hot springs.)

Heymondbeard: Hey, there you are, M.! Why are you in the hot springs?

Wolfie: You're much too sick to be in such hot water!

Madi: While I was throwing up, my other end started acting up badly, and I ahem... had an accident. Sorry.

Heymondbeard: Aw, Captain, accidents happen. I understand perfectly now. But hey, why didn’t you tell any of us?

Madi: It felt really uncomfortable, and besides, no matter how sick I am, I can take care of myself. (suddenly puts her tail between her legs.) Oh, no, it's happening again. Can one of you finish washing me trousers?

Heymondbeard: Er...

(Madi hands her messy trousers over to Heymondbeard.)

Madi: (in a desperate tone) Now!

(Madi runs off and hides behind a bush. As Heymondbeard washes Madi's trousers, Madi cries loudly in pain while low trombone notes play in the background.)

Heymondbeard: Hey, what a lousy day. First, Madi gets sick, then I get thrown up on, and now I have to wash her gross trousers!

Wolfie: I don't know what's worse, the fact that we have a throwing up Captain or the fact that the Captain now has diarrhoea!

(Madi vomits offscreen.)

Heymondbeard: Or both.



(Heymondbeard gives Madi's washed trousers back to her.)

Heymondbeard: Hey, you doing okay behind here?

Madi: Ohhh... Me other end's not acting up anymore.

Heymondbeard: Hey, I finished washing your trousers. They're a bit damp, though. Are you okay with that?

Madi: Mmm-hmm.

(Madi puts on her trousers and walks out.)

Heymondbeard: Hey, how about you stay in bed?

Madi: Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

(Heymondbeard takes Madi back into the hut. Madi sluggishly walks up to her hammock.)

Heymondbeard: Now, is there anything else you might need?

(Madi lies down and falls asleep.)

Heymondbeard: Okay, then. Good night, Captain.

(Spud walks in.)

Spud: Golly, guys, how's M. doing?

Wolfie: Quiet, you dolt! She's sleeping!

Heymondbeard: Hey, well... let's just say she had an accident and I had to wash her trousers out.

Spud: Oh, dear.

Heymondbeard: Hey, however, she’s all tuckered out now, so you don’t need to bother her.

(Spud walks off.)

Heymondbeard: Spud? Spud?

(Cut to Spud looking at Madi.)

Spud: Oh, by golly, she looks like she's dead.

Wolfie: Leave her alone!

Heymondbeard: If you bother her, she's going to get cranky!

Wolfie': And she isn't too sick to be cranky.

Spud: Fine...

(Spud walks away.)



Heymondbeard: (whispering) Hey, M., just coming to check on you.

(Madi wakes up and groans)

Madi: Green.

Heymondbeard: Hey, good morning, Captain. How are you feeling?

Madi: Not so well. At least me other end didn't act up during me nap.

Heymondbeard: Hey, that's good. (under his breath) Because the last thing I want to do is clean up another messy accident. (in his normal tone) Hey, hey, hey, I'll fix you something to eat, I'll be right back!

(Heymondbeard leaves.)

Madi: But I don't want anything to eat. Aw, gee, this is so going to an accident waiting to happen. Either figuratively or literally.

(Heymondbeard comes back in with a bowl of soup.)

Heymondbeard: Hey Captain, come down! I made you some Tamato Berry Soup.

(Madi comes down.)

Wolfie: Are you crazy, Heymondbeard? That's really spicy!

Heymondbeard: She tolerates Tamato Berries though. (to Madi, who is sitting in front of Heymondbeard.) Eat up so you can feel better.

(Madi pushes the bowl away from her.)

Madi: No, thanks. I don't want to eat.

Heymondbeard: Hey Madi, you have to eat at least something.

Madi: If I eat anything, it'll just come right back up.

Heymondbeard: Hey, but what if it doesn't come back up?

Madi: I've already had an accident once; I certainly don't want another one.

Heymondbeard: Hey, Madi, come on. You haven't eaten all day, so I want you to eat your soup.

Madi: Okay, I'll bite.

(Heymondbeard feeds Madi the soup.)



(Madi has finished her soup.)

Heymondbeard: See? Hey, you ate something, and it didn't go back up again. How do you feel?

Madi: I don't know. Me stomach's still churning.

Heymondbeard: Why don't you go back to bed and...

(Madi covers her mouth, about to throw up.)

Heymondbeard: No, no, no, no, no!

(Heymondbeard shifts Madi into a bending position and places the bowl in front of her. Madi then vomits into the bowl.)

Madi: I told you this would happen!