Wario



Wario is a fat 308-pound Italian bastard who likes to pick his nose and show it off to others. He is very disgusting and always waddles his fat ass around with his garlic-smelling breath. He is a coin hoarder and loves to be rich. He doesn't get cavities because he eats the bacteria that causes them. Disgusting pig.

Wario's Typical Day

 * 7:00 – Wake Up
 * Asleep in my favorite sofa bed, dreaming of treasure. ZZZ! ZZZ! ZZZ! All of a sudden, a cockroach crawls up my nose! I wake up, freaking out!! Is little roachie gone for good?!
 * 7:30 – Breakfast
 * Inhale a light meal of two gallons of milk, three loaves of French bread, a little cheese, and six raw eggs in a gulp - all in one minute. And since I'm such a worldly guy, I read the paper at the same. I just skip all the hard words!! But today I get a great tip about some treasure!!
 * 7:40 – Bathroom
 * I like to stretch out my daily scheduled bathroom time!! Ahhh, that's better! I think I may be having some plumbing problems, because my toilet always seems to block up. Whatever!! I don't care!
 * 9:00 – Going Out
 * I feel like The Man hopping into my wonderful Wario Car, but I feel something weird on my backside!! Eww!! It's pigeon poop!! Guh!! I don't have a hankie, so I'll just wipe it away with my Wario hat. No problem! I thought I'd take a leisurely drive to the pyramid, but I run out of gas!! Oh no! I'll just have to push the car to the next gas station... haa haa-wheeze...
 * 12:00 – Lunch
 * I ate ten hot dogs at the gas station at 10:00, but I'm still feeling pretty hungry, so I eat three plates of spaghetti. It's still not enough, but hey, I'm on a diet!! I have spaghetti sauce all over my mouth, so I wipe it on my Wario hat... Arrghh! Yeech! What's that taste?! Ahh, whatever!!
 * 3:30 – Treasure
 * Huff! Puff! I finally find a treasure chest! As I slowly open it, I find a shiny golden... NOTHING! Crud! I've been tricked! That stupid newspaper!! I'm suffering from "Empty Chest Syndrome"!! Har Har!! Get it?!
 * 6:00 – Home
 * When I open the door to the hideout, I notice - uggh, arggh-the toilet has spewed water everywhere!! I can't even describe how gross it is!!
 * 7:00 – Snack
 * After taking care of the toilet problem, I settle down for an evening snack. I wolf down ten plates of the liver and onions I brought on the way home and ten pancakes!! I'm still a bit peckish!
 * 8:00 – Evening Exercise
 * While listening to country music, I do ten sets of 100 push-ups each. That's how I do such powerful attacks!! And also because I watch pro wrestling!! I like to cheer for Big Bama and Neutron B!!
 * 10:00 – Sleep
 * Bath - NO! Brush teeth - NO! Don't be like me, kids! Then off to the sofa bed and more dreams... For some reason, I dream of cockroaches!! I wake up and hear a strange clicking noise inside my head... Roachie?!!