The Lion King (The Bad Version) - transcript

===Hey, it's BP here. This is a script for the bad version of The Lion King from How To Make Good Movies Bad. FYI this script has been archived from the old RNW (yes, I'm aware this is a joke, but it's all in gud fun); Also is there a "so hilariously awful" tophat here? Just a couple notes from your friendly neighbourhood Plague Doctor.===

Script
[We start out on Pride Rock]

Narrator: One day, at Pride Rock, the Lion King has made an annoucement.

Lion King: Ladies and gentle-animals, as you can see, I, the Lion king, have something to say.

(He holds up a piece of paper.)

Lion King: I am holding a piece of paper.

(He puts down the piece of paper.)

Lion King: Thanks for listening.

(An audience of animals are silent.)

Random giraffe: So what did you just say?

Lion King: Did you hear what I said? am holding a piece of paper.

(The aforementioned audience of animals are confused by what he just said.)

Random hippo: Well I guess that we don't know what to do next today.

Random antelope: Yeah, let's go.

(When the animal audience leaves, Scar is shown spying on the Lion King.)

Scar [looking rather angry]: Oh... that darn Lion King has more popluarity than me! I wanna be king, dagnabbit!

Simba: Daddy Scar, everything alright?

Scar: Not now! Also, did you call me 'Daddy Scar"? If you did, then no sweat.

Simba: I heard you want to get rid of the Lion King, is that right?

Scar: Yes, I know. I know. But did you remember the time when I tried to summon a saber-tooth tiger to get rid of the Lion King, but instead consumed two weirdos? Well, look at it!

(Scar shows Simba the aforementioned saber-tooth tiger, who was eating a meerkat and a warthog.)

Scar: No wonder this fella only went for these two. It was hungry.

Simba: I know, Daddy Scar. What are we gonna do?

Scar [sinister]: Here's the idea, my boy. All we gotta do is to abduct the Lion King, beat him up, rip him to shreds, and-

(Scar is suddenly confused.)

Scar: Wait a minute! Where did he go?

(Scar notices Simba playing [and eating] with Nala.)

Scar: Sonny boy! No time for playing and eating with this fat female lion cub! Get with it!

Nala: Wait, that's your father?

Simba: Yeah, he's really cranky. Gotta go.

Nala: Ok.

(Simba then leaves.)

Nala: Well, that was weird.

Sarafina/Nala's mother: You going, Nala?

Nala: Um...

(Then, a montage of Scar and Simba trying to get rid of the Lion King occurs. After that, this scene happens.)

Simba: Check this out!

Scar: Ok.

(Then Simba does a thing, which causes a stampede of wildebeest to show up.)

Scar: Uh...Excuse me for a minute.

Simba: What?

Scar: Simba, quick! Stampede. In the gorge!

(Simba and Scar get to the gorge while escaping from the stampede.)

Scar: Well, looks like we're safe.

Simba: Yeah. So what now?

Scar [suddenly angry]: You know what, tubby? You're beginning to annoy me! Now you're gonna have to pay the price from what you did!

Simba: But daddy...

Scar: No buts! Now begone!

(Scar throws Simba to the wildebeest stampede, which somehow launch him into the Elephant Graveyard, much to Scar's shock.)

Scar: What the-?!? Oh come on!

Lion King: Did you hear anything?

Zazu: I dunno, man.

(Meanwhile, at the Elephant Graveyard...)

Nala: How did I get here?

Simba: I have no idea.

(Suddenly, a gang of hyenas approach Simba and Nala.)

Hyena 1: What a couple of tasty lion cubs we have here!

Hyena 2: Let's consume them.

Simba: Well this wasn't good.

(Then, the hyenas consume Simba and Nala, leaving only their skeletons.)

(Scar looks for Simba, only to find his skeleton.)

Scar: What the-?!? Simba! You're my only son! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(He sobs because of this.)

Scar: This is all my fault! I let my son get killed! I can't take it anymore! I am scarred for life!

(Scar pulls out a gun and points it at his head.)

Scar: There's no reason for me to live!

(He shoots himself when he pulls the trigger.)

(Later...)

Lion King [muffled while eating some food]: So let me get this straight, you're telling me that there are two lion cubs that got devoured by hyenas and a grown lion that was trying to dethrone me blew his brains out after finding out that his son was devoured.

Zazu: I had no idea on what you said.

Lion King: As I was saying, you're telling me that there are two lion cubs that got devoured by hyenas and a grown lion that was trying to dethrone me blew his brains out after finding out that his son was devoured.

Zazu: That's what I was telling you about!

Lion King: I guess we had no idea on what happened here....... what's going on?

(Then Pride Rock is blown up by an atomic blast that came out of nowhere, which ends the movie/short film/whatever)