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    Random-ness Wiki

    How to Make Bad Commercials Good

    Octavius Rex.jpg

    This is one of RNW's famed "how to" pages. It contains lots of opinions, but may also have just as much vulgarities, gross-out content, satirical humor, and NSFW elements. Also, some of these pages are freakishly long, which pretty much speaks for itself.
    These pages are now considered legacy pages and can no longer be edited by ordinary contributors.


    Zazoo Commercial

    • Make it the actual marshmallow commercial instead.
    • Let the boy behave very well.

    Crusha Cats commercial

    • Make it less annoying.
    • The characters are fully hand-drawn instead of being stock photos.
    • MAKE THE COMMERCIAL LESS UNCANNY. THIS ESPECIALLY INCLUDES THE COW.

    Progressive Sonic commercial

    • Have Flo talk to Sonic the Hedgehog about going fast.
    • Sonic sounds like his Sonic X counterpart, and not Mickey Mouse. (Well, Sonic sounded like Mickey Mouse for some reason in a Brazilian Portuguese Sonic 2 commercial, so...)

    Eastern Airlines 1971 commercial

    • Replace every Disney character that appears in the commercial with Sesame Street Muppets.
    • Have it not banned and air during Disney Channel commercial breaks.

    HeadOn

    • Better green screen effect.
    • It mentions how the medicine works.
    • Most importantly, no redundant use of "HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead." Just use it only once.

    Eggo Monster commercial

    • Turn the waffle into the monster instead of the girl.
    • Better animation.

    Confused.com

    • Better animation.
    • They don't steal "YMCA". (Just because it sounds similar doesn't mean they stole it.)

    1-800-Victim2

    • Better animation.
    • The squirrel isn't a Mexican stereotype.
    • Better plot.

    Duet commercial

    • Better animation.
    • Tone down the adult humor.

    Norton Furniture

    • Rather than that Marc Brown from the commercial, add in the Marc Brown who created Arthur Read.
    • The Frog on the Couch is an animated character.

    Liberty Mutual commercials

    • Make the jingle less annoying. (Example: Add in other words than just "Liberty" and let it slow down.)
      • Another example: Sing "Liberty" only once, not four times.
      • Or remove the extra "Liberty" at the end.
      • Or just keep the old "Liberty Stands with You" jingle.
    • Give each ad a different message about different assets of the company rather than every single ad saying only "Liberty Mutual Insurance Co. customises your insurance so you only pay for what you need". A few ads can say it, sure, but if you repeat the exact same sentence in all the adverts, it gets annoying very fast. Hell to fuck, even Progressive and Geico have more selling points.
    • Replace Limu with an anthropomorphic 2D animated eagle named "Eaglon", since emus mainly belong to Australia and not the US.
    • Make Doug less annoying.
    • Better animation for the helicopter.
    • Change the Limu/Eaglon theme song to make it more Looney Tunes-like.
    • Change the color schemes to a red Lady Liberty, a white background, and blue text (not yellow, white, and dark blue) to represent the American flag.
      • This means the helicopter Limu/Eaglon and Doug are riding on is red and blue with white stripes instead of pure yellow and dark blue.
    • Add in the Herbie car as an Easter Egg.

    Progressive Park

    • Make the announcer less annoying.
    • Rename the Traffic Jam roller coaster ride "Drive Safe".
    • Rename the Never Bump Bumper Car ride "However Bump Bumper Cars"

    Gushers commercial

    • Make the fruit-headed kids less creepy.

    Gali the Alligator

    • Gali is less creepy and murderous.

    GrubHub Delivery Dance

    • The people don't look like they came from The Lorax or Norm of the North.
      • With that being said, make it live action instead of it being CGI animated.
    • Everyone does generally awesome dances instead of cringeworthy and hilariously bad dances. Some people will do complex dances while some will dance more casually.
    • Replace the music with "Here Comes the Sun" by Bill Wurtz.
      • or ELO's "Mr. Blue Sky". Idk it just seems fitting.
    • Use the Among Us Drip theme instead.
    • The milkshake girl doesn't break her bones (i.e., doesn't do the splits), and the couple doesn't eat their sushi in a dangerous way (lower risk of choking).
    • It ends with the dad dancing in the kitchen with the delivery man walking in and staring at the dad awkwardly before placing the bag down and slowly walking back.

    Introducing Amazon Echo

    • Better dialogue.
    • Make it funnier.
    • Have the family ask better questions.
    • Don't let the mother yell at Alexa.
    • The soundtrack is classicy, Astro Boy-esque looking and great. (??)
    • Don't let the teenaged girl yell at or slap the boy.
    • Make the father smart.
    • Give the little girl more personalities.
    • Make the boy less annoying.
    • Make the teen girl nostalgic.

    The Best Men Can Be (Gillette)

    • The commercial isn't sexist and doesn't demonize all men.
    • Never explain things, like playing wrestling.
    • No sexual harassment.
    • Hire a man to direct the commercial.

    McDonald's Pakistan commercials

    • Hello Kitty doesn't have a mouth.
    • The characters are less creepy.
    • Dr. N. Cortex's design is more accurate to the Crash games.
      • Same thing goes for Cream and Rouge in the Sonic ad.
    • Better animation.
    • Replace the MIDI music with their own soundtrack.
    • Have its own "I'm lovin' it" jingle instead of the Japanese one.
    • Better dialogue and English for the few English lines.
    • Crash Bandicoot's mouth is a bit smaller.
    • Better singing.
    • Make the voices less annoying.
    • More research on character designs.

    Protegent commercials

    • Other than just rap, Proto also sings songs from more genres, like Jazz, Garage Band, Broadway, Countrypolitan, and Spaghetti Western. (now I'm wondering what a Western-style song about antiviruses would sound like)
    • The rap song isn't cringeworthy.
    • Better voice acting and animation.
    • Proto's design isn't a Super Why recolour.
    • Have both the commercials and software be made in 1998. Also, actually make the product an antivirus as advertised rather than a virus itself.

    McDonald's Japan SpongeBob commercial

    • The kids will never scream.

    Geico - Cabbage Patch Kids

    • Never call them "Cabbage Patch Adults"
    • The overall style is more like the 80's.

    Gamestop Super Smash Bros. Ultimate commercial

    • The costumes are less cursed and creepy.

    Ford Sailor Moon commercial

    • Never let the characters go shilling any cars.

    Got Milk Pillsbury commercial

    • The Dough Boy never gets tortured.

    Burger King Square Butts commercial

    • Never steal "Baby Got Back". (It's called a parody, dingus)
    • The King sings the SpongeBob theme song instead.

    Wrigley's Dog Breath commercial

    • The guy doesn't vomit up a dog, but instead he buys one.

    Smoking Fetus

    • Wipe that commercial from the existence.
      • Or better yet, change the Smoking Fetus into a Cooking Fetus. (Wait...that won't work...)

    Sponge Cake DS commercial

    • No swearing.
    • The boy behaves very well.

    Ice Age Family Guy commercial

    • Add in the "Bad squirrel! My nuts! My nuts!" cutaway gag.

    Play-Doh Doggy Doctor

    • The dog costume is better.

    Kraft "For The Win-Win" commercials

    • Don't encourage bad behavior.
    • Don't encourage parents to give in to their bratty children's demands.
    • The message is a better one than "Just give up, kids won't eat healthier food".
    • Use a different song than "Only Time".

    That stupid Creative Roots commercial

    • Make the premise better. She sips her drink and accomplishes... picking up a model planet?
    • IT'S. 👏 "DEHYDRATED." 👏 NOT. 👏 "UNDERHYDRATED." 👏 YOU. 👏 DUMB. 👏 FUCK.

    Disney Channel sponsor commercials

    • Disney Channel says the product's true purpose instead of that educational mumbo jumbo ("friendship"; "imagination"; "When it comes to...").

    Any diaper commercial that features a recently born baby being held by their emotional mother

    • Wipe them from existence. It may be beautiful, sure, but it's a personal and intimate moment. Not appropriate.

    3am Pampers commercial

    • Make it into a condom ad :)

    (Or if you want to do it the other way...)

    • The baby doesn't cry.
    • Replace "Pop Goes the Weasel" with "Rock-A-Bye Baby."

    Geico - The Gecko meets Rocky and Bullwinkle

    • Rocky and Bullwinkle are 2D. The CGI designs are creepy.
      • Actually, the CGI designs weren't really that creepy. In fact, they looked really accurate.

    Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island "Still the Big One"

    • Have the man eat heathier food instead.
    • The man gets fat but doesn't explode after eating.

    NES "You Cannot Beat Us"

    • Have the commercial animated in 2D.
    • Better voice acting.
    • The music isn't slowed so it doesn't scare kids, or anyone for that matter.

    Credit Karma "Perfect Apartment"

    • Clean the girl on the right's bangs so they don't look so greasy.
    • Remove the "15-minute drive to work!" "Dude! Dude!" "I knooow!" dialog. It is so cringey!
      • The word "dude" is NOT said at all, actually.
    • Remove the "Eyes over there, dude. This apartment's her's." dialog as well. It is also very cringey. YOU ARE IN A PUBLIC SPACE SURROUNDED BY MANY PEOPLE, OF COURSE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
    • Make it more consistent. How would the bitch not know what a credit score is EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS GOING TO BUY AN APARTMENT?

    All of the Credit Karma "Live with Mom and Dad Forever" commercials

    • Don't make more than one of them.

    Any fake mobile game ads

    • Make the "Drag-and-Drop" ads less mean-spirited.
    • They have more to do with the gameplay.
    • Make them less annoying.
    • Improve the character designs. Examples:
      • The characters look less like Seth McFarlane characters.
      • The Playrix characters look like the actual Playrix than Seth McFarlane characters.
      • The mother and baby in the Art Puzzle "Save them" ad look less like GoAnimate/Vyond Business Friendly characters.
    • No fake CGI.
    • Not having such crappy phrases, like "Why is this game so hard?"
    • They're actually real.
    • They're not scams/viruses in disguise.
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