BTS[edit | edit source]
Everyone knows who BTS is, and if you don't, then stop lying. We can see through you. BTS is the Paw Patrol of K-Pop, in that they are EVERYWHERE! But it's for a good reason. They worked their butts off to get where they are. SMOOTH LIKE BUTTAH LIKE A CRIMINAL UNDERCOVAH
guys im selling a bts meal chicken mcnugget that is shaped like an amogus crewmate for only 909329329934934239429 shekels on ebay!!! auction starts on june 117 2916 THE AUCTION IS CLOSED. THE HIGHEST BIDDER WAS MY DAD WHO LEFT THE FAMILY WHEN I WAS 10 BECAUSE HE GOT CAUGHT IN A PONZI SCHEME.
So, obviously, BTS is very popular. They've recently hit the Western music scene and dropped a few collabs and English songs, all of which are fairly mediocre and/or straight up bad (except for Permission to Dance, which is fantastic except for that one lyric about Elton John and also the fact that Ed Sheeran is one of the writers of the lyrics, yes I'm being serious, I hope whoever approved of this was fired). Lots would beg to differ, but nothing you scoundrels say will ever convince me that "Dynamite" is anything more than the textbook definition of a sickeningly radio-friendly piece of shi--
BTS stans (also called ARMYs; ARMYs being an acronym for "Adorable Representative MC of Youth" or some shit I really don't care) are known for being feverish and passionate about their seven sacred cows. There are also BTSPoppers, who believe that BTS themselves are their own genre and throw everyone else under the bus for them. If you see a BTSPopper, call the police immediately.
UPDATE 2/22/22 lol funny date: I'm literally an ITZYpopper I have no leverage in this conversation
BTS stands for multiple things, namely Big Time Srush, Bex Tex Sex, Bangtan Sonyeondan (Bulletproof Boyscouts), Beyond the Scene, Benis Tenis Senis, Big Tall Shoes, and Big Thick Sinuses.
BLACKPINK[edit | edit source]
I don't like BLACKPINK. They only have three good songs, but even then, all of their songs sound the same. Their songs have too much onomatopoeias. Regardless, they're somehow taking over the world, even though they barely ever release new music because they're too busy posing for the front cover of Fashion Magazine #412 and YG Entertainment is straight trash.
I don't care. Stream Zig Zag by f(x).
HOW YOU LIKE THAT. DADADA DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH or whatever
TWICE[edit | edit source]
TWICE is comprised of nine iconic queens. This song will tell you all about them, but if you're deaf, they are NAYEONI JEONGYEON MOMO SANA JIHYO MINA DAHYUNI CHAEYOUNG TZUYU URI BARO TWICE! They were formed through the TV show SIXTEEN, which saw other well-known names in K-Pop try to make a name for themselves and fight for a position in the Nation's Girl Group, such as the soloists SOMI and Natty (she is currently trapped in Swing Entertainment's basement please god Natty I miss you so much please drop a new song please), as well as fromis_9's Jiwon. SIXTEEN is known for having a very... quirky theme song. Fun fact: Nayeon fucking hates it. A lot. I love Nayeon. I'm her wife and we are married (true).
Dancing Machine Momo is here to give the people everything they want. RISKY RISKY WIGGY WIGI THIS IS AN EMERGENCYYYYYY Toppin the charts 2021 1000th Music Show WIN!!! Stan Twice
Tzuyu's name is pronounced like "Chewy". Do what you will with this information.
BIGBANG[edit | edit source]
Loona[edit | edit source]
HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH HI HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Itzy[edit | edit source]
Itzy is my favorite kpop group. Now that that's out of the way, the group has five members: Yeji, Lia, Ryujin, Chaeryeong and Yuna. They make EPIK music for EPIK people with BIG BRAINS. ITZY WORLD DOMINATION!!!!!!! YES SISTERS!!!!!
UMMMMMM if you wanna get into ITZY (good for u btw) you should start with WANNABE cuz it is their best song it makes me cry happy tears whenever I listen to it it's so nostalgic for me I loev it it is so good and wa w w a a i lsiten to it all the time and i DONT WANNA BE SOMEBODY JUST WNANNA BE ME NBE MEEEEEEEEEE I WANNA BE ME ME MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ACTION!
aespa[edit | edit source]
|“||OH MY GOSH, DON'T YOU KNOW I'M A SANDWICH?||„|
|~ Uchinaga Eri|
I have no idea what's going on with them but their songs go hard as hell. Stream Next Level or I'll block you (OBVIOUSLY I am joking. You can listen to whatever you want when you want and it isn't my place to dictate such things... except when it is.)
That's Ningning (my beloved) btw.
watch me while i werk! it outtttttttt
STAYC[edit | edit source]
STAYC GIRLS IT'S GOING DOWN HEY!!!!!!
STAYC is comprised of seven iconic girlbosses. Their stylists are known for giving the girls strange hairstyles. WHAT THE HELL DID THEY DO TO THE LEFT SIDE OF YOON'S HAIR WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF *burns a house* OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY I do not think it's that bad I just personally do Not like it. But it isn't her fault so I'm just gonna leave it be
ANYWAY, the members of STAYC are Sumin, Sieun, Isa, Seeun, Yoon and her crazy hair, and maknae Lil DaJ Smalls Shakur (or simply just J), who happens to be one of the greatest rappers of her generation. Eminem is physically unable to diss her. If he tries to, he will decompose and become a pile of toxic sludge.
They have lots of good songs. Please listen to SO BAD and ASAP... they're peak STAYC. And before you ask me about STEREOTYPE, it's nice but kinda underwhelming. It'll grow on me though I swear my fellow SWITHs
UPDATE 2/21/22: i like stereotype :)
IZ*ONE[edit | edit source]
The 12 iconic queens that were taken from us far too soon... every song by them is a masterpiece. No joke. I actually cried a little (not in an ugly way) when they disbanded. Like I knew it was gonna happen but it was still very sad for me and many other people.
UPDATE (2/21/22): Okay, I lied. I cried a lot. I did in fact ugly cry.
n e way ummm in IZ*ONE we have Wonyoung, Sakura, Yuri, Yena, Yujin, Nako, Eunbi (who recently had her solo debut), Hyewon, Hitomi, Chaewon, Minju, and Chaeyeon. Originally, two girls named Kaeun and Chowon were supposed to be in the group, but uhhhh something something vote rigging I don't care anyone who still complains about the P48 vote rigging in the year of our lord
2021 2022 needs to touch grass get over it my god
So since IZ*ONE disbanded a year ago, the members have all gone their own paths in the entertainment industry. Some of them ended up in new groups which I'll talk about it later. Chaeyeon ended up getting trapped in WM Entertainment's dungeon and is now stuck in her sister Chaeryeong's shadow, and Hyewon did nothing but become even more boring if that was even possible. I'm not fully convinced that Minju still does things.
(G)I-DLE[edit | edit source]
(G)I-DLE is doing what Mamamoo thinks they're doing (consistently making good songs). Originally there were six members but Soojin just HAD to take the biggest fattest L of the century so now we just have Soyeon, Minnie, Shuhua, Yuqi and... SHIT WHAT WAS THE OTHER GIRL'S NAME GOD DAMN IT uhhhh UHHHHHHHHHH MIYEON. I always forget about Miyeon. Figures. I only really keep up with Shuhua and Yuqi anyway.
Okay so like. (G)I-DLE has a song called "Senorita" and it's really really good. I would give literally anything to feel the way I felt when I listened to it for the first time. "Last Dance", "LION" and "Oh my god" are also very good too. Listen to them if you're interested in ascending to a higher plane of existence.
YEAH I'M FUCKING TOMBOYYYYY AAAAHHHHH *sticks out my tongue soyeon thee stallion style*
TRI.BE[edit | edit source]
TRI.BE is not as well-known as the other groups I just went over, but I really love them a lot so they're getting a section here cuz it's my page and I can do what I want.
Originally, TRI.BE started out as a group called LIONGIRLS, then they were called TRI.ANGLE, and now they're TRI.BE. One of the members, Hyunbin, posted vlogs that would introduce her fellow members prior to the group's official debut. Hyunbin, along with six other girls named Sumire, Jia, Soeun, Jinha, Kelly and SongSun were all confirmed to be debuting in the group together.
THEN TRI.BE joined forces in the recording studio and dropped THE SONG OF THE FREAKING CENTURY, "DOOM DOOM TA", on February 17, 2021.
TRI.BE is going to take over the world some day. I just know it. You better be ready! I know I am! TRI.BE WORLD DOMINATION!
Oh and by the way, their name is pronounced as "TRY-BEE", not as the word "tribe".
THE BOYZ[edit | edit source]
YEAH YEAH the boyz YOU GOT IT RIGHT JIGEUM MY TIME RIGHT HERE! APPEAR
THE BOYZ are the boys. You already know that much. There are 11 members in this group: Sangyeon, Jacob, Younghoon, Hyunjae, Juyeon, Kevin aka Mr. Swag aka guy who posts about Rick and Morty on Twitter aka literally the funniest kpop idol of all time (Keeho wishes), New, Q
ue from The Strange Chores, Ju Haknyeon, Sunwoo and Eric. Up until 2019, there was a dude named Hwall in the group, but he left due to health issues. Nowadays he makes mid rap music.
So like, THE BOYZ are literally just some guys. You already know that much. They started from the bottom like every other group before them but OHHHHHH BADDA BING BADDA BOOM LOOK AT ALL THESE WINS THEY SNAGGED. THEY ARE RISINGGGGGGG. Anyway stream PRISM right now.
THE BOYZ makes really good music. Listen to it. They can do it all -- they make songs about smex with vampire undertones, girlboss anthems, songs about being fucking silly, songs that are probably about drug trips and songs about dancing!!!!!!!!! :)
i'm da stealah
i love kevin moon so much you don't understand
TOMORROW X TOGETHER[edit | edit source]
TOMORROW X TOGETHER (or TXT) is my other favorite kpop group. The members are Yeonjun, Taehyun, Beomgyu aka Bam-gyu aka Beom kyu little boy, Hueningkai and Soobin the giant rabbit. Yeonjun is also Tony Hawk's greatest rival. Their music is so good . It's so good. I cannot put it into words just. JUST. JSUT WHAHWHAHAGHAHWGHAG@(#(@*$(*#$*&(#@*&(@(**(#*($(*@&487!*&$&(*#$&*&*#$&*(*$*E@#*(#@ hehehe beomgyu mullet
The boys of TOMORROW X TOGETHER are responsible for giving us these iconic Weverse exchanges, presented to you here live and in color with no context whatsoever:
NCT[edit | edit source]
Neo Cockroach Technology (or NCT for short) is a boy group with a shit-ton of members. Yes, you heard me right. As of this writing, there are 23 members of NCT. Their company, SM Entertainment, can add members literally whenever the hell they want. Naturally, this would make new kpop fans shit themselves and cry, but for us older kpop stans who were there for the rise and fall of X1, the entire length of Seungri's trial, the HyunA & DAWN vs Cube Entertainment thing from like 2018, and that period in time where every single kpop stan ever just decided to bully Miss Jennie Human Gucci Blackpink for no reason just sit here like chumps and eat whatever slightly-worse-than-the-last content SM serves to us on a silver platter. I (somewhat) joke, but you get the picture.
The members of NCT are Taeyong aka the Gundam guy, Taeil, Doyoung, Ten, Jaehyun aka the WALKING WITH THE CHEESE THATS THE QUESO guy, Mark aka the OHHH YOU THINK YOU BIG BOI THROWIN THREE STACKS guy, Yuta, Winwin aka the guy who is trapped in SM's basement, Haechan, Renjun aka the guy who got lost in the parking lot, Jeno, Jaemin, Chenle, Jisung, Johnny the pole dancing extraordinaire, Jungwoo, Lucas, Kun, Xiaojun, Hendery, Yangyang, Shotaro aka the other guy who is trapped in SM's basement, Sungchan aka the other other guy who is trapped in SM's basement,
and YOU! HAHA JUST KIDDING SUCK ITTTTT!!!!!! SM is planning to add your mom to the group next.
Because there are so many members, NCT promotes in subunits: they are called NCT 127, NCT U (which is generally reserved for collabs between the members/subunits), NCT DREAM and WayV respectively. The boys of NCT drop content for those who love seriously good songs, so bad it's good songs, just plain terrible songs, or even all three, so there's truly something for everyone!!!!!!!
Wanna get into NCT? Cool! It is generally agreed upon by all of NCT's fanbase that you begin with STICKER and then work your way down.
YOU THINK YOU CAN FUCK WITH ME!? I WAS THE FLUTE PLAYER IN STICKER!!!! DON'T FUCK WITH ME!!!! I WAS THE FLUTE GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ENHYPEN[edit | edit source]
This is a certified Billy Poco Moment!
ENHYPEN, whose name I have been spelling wrong for the longest time, is a quickly rising boy group whose lineup was formed on a reality show called I-LAND. They are often associated with BTS due to ENHYPEN itself being a collaboration between BTS' agency and a major Korean music company called CJ ENM. The members are Heeseung the probably racist one, Jay the swag 4/20 guy, little rich Aussie boy Jake, Sunghoon the swag ice sk8r, Sunoo, Jungwon the leader of the group, and Ni-ki the teenager who looks like he's in his 20s.
Enhypen makes music, obviously, but unfortunately I'm not too well-emersed in them as I am other groups, so I recommend "Drunk-Dazed" the most out of all the songs in their discography because I'm basic and I want you to know I don't stan them. I mean I like their music but I'm more of a TOMORROW X TOGETHER kind of girl so uhhh *does the crank dat dance to MOA Diary (Dubaddu Wari Wari)*
update: i lied..... i do stan enhypen...... jake respond to my dms please we have a future together come on
update update: no i dont stan them im a casual listener who happens to like drunk-dazed an abnormal amount. still though jake respond to my dms we still have a future together
This is a certified Billy Poco Moment!
IVE[edit | edit source]
NMIXX[edit | edit source]
NMIXX is an experimental (read: ADHD bait) girl group. Its members are Lily aka the CEO of swag industries and the best member of the "Australia line", Haewon aka the POPCORN AND ZERO COKE girl, Sullyoon, Jinni, Bae, Jiwoo and Kyujin the 4th gen ace. Actually, they're all 4th gen aces. JYPE said so!
Have you ever wondered what would have happened if Sticker by NCT 127 had a baby with aespa's Next Level? Look no further! I'm not saying I love this song, but I am saying that the K-Pop fandom is literally going to lynch me if I said anything even slightly positive about it.
Weeekly[edit | edit source]
Treasure[edit | edit source]
EVERGLOW[edit | edit source]
Other examples of kpop groups but I can't be bothered to give them whole sections[edit | edit source]
- AOA: MINA.
- Cherry Bullet: L
- CLASS:y: All I'm gonna say is that most of them should still be in kindergarten or something
- GFRIEND: L
- Mamamoo: Every single night before I go to bed I wish upon the brightest star in the sky that they disband forever and stop releasing music because they only have like five good songs and with every song they release they keep getting worse MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP
ICE CREAM.[edit | edit source]
In the kpop world, "ice cream" has many meanings.
- The torturous audio assault that is "Ice Cream" by BLACKPINK ft. Selena Gomez
- f(x)'s amazing song "Ice Cream"
- "Ice Cream" by TOMORROW X TOGETHER, which may as well have ascended from the heavens
- "Ice Cream Cake" by Red Velvet, which is... ummm... well, it's something!
- "Ice Cream", a b-side by TWICE
- That one time Felix stole Bang Chan's phone and did a little trolling with it (this is the one we'll be talking about today)
Our story takes place on a social network called JYP Bubble, which JYP Entertainment's artists (TWICE, ITZY, Stray Kids, etc) use to communicate with fans and make posts about anything they want. It's kind of like Twitter, but exclusively for artists under a specific company.
So Mr. Lee Felix of Stray Kids decided to do a little trolling (a tiny amount of tomfoolery) by stealing fellow groupmate Bang Chan's phone. He used the voice memo feature on the JYP Bubble app to talk about ice cream and flex his trolling efforts and then OH FUCK OH SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK IT'S BANG CHAN and then Bang Chan comes in like FELIX!!!!!! And then Felix makes an unholy noise in response. YOU CAN WATCH THE VIDEO HERE IT NEVER GETS OLD
HE SAID THAT WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST[edit | edit source]
I don't even listen to P1Harmony but THIS VIDEO IS SO FREAKING FUNNY. PERIODDDDDD HE DID NOT HOLD BACK PERIODDDD!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Mr Intak
UPDATE 9/15/21 OR 15/9/21: MIRAHEZE HATES ME AND THE EMBED DOESN'T WORK SO HERE'S A LINK TO THE VIDEO GO WATCH IT
Fun fact: I watch this video literally every day I'm not even kidding
Kpoptwt and Kpop Struggle Tweets[edit | edit source]
i am so tired of looking at this page im out of ideas[edit | edit source]
Not gonna lie this is me when I HIT YOU WITH THAT DDU DU DDU DU de de dede doodoo da da da dada AH YEAH AH YEAAAHHHHHHHH da dada dadadadududududa
Bangtan Shrekyeondan[edit | edit source]
In 20??, BTS made history when they became the first K-Pop idols to ever meet Shrek. The epic ogre is a huge fan of their music and they set up a private concert just for him. It was broadcasted live on the Disney Channel.
NANANANANANANANANA ELECTRIC SHOCK NANANANANANANANANANANA[edit | edit source]
NANANANANANANANANA ok im done im sick of trying to be funny im gonna go play bandori bye