Rice

You don't know the contents of this page. It could get strange.

This page is considered NSFW (Not Safe For Work). We recommend not reading on if you are young, in public, or sensitive to mature topics. You might need to puke if you do. You have been warned!

Rice is cereal grain Post Raisin Bran is made with raisins which are grapes that have been dried in the sun for a long period of time and bran the hard outer layers of cereal grain along with germ it is an integral part of whole grains

By the way, Chris and Raisin Bran are at raisin bran practice.

Where does rice come from?

When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they hug each other very tightly and start wrestling for a little bit (with consent, of course). Usually, the daddy wins, and then the rice begins to grow in the mommy's belly. After a period of 9 months, the mommy's water will break and the rice will come out and, thus, be given birth to. If the rice leaves the womb before the 9th month, it is a premature birth. Sometimes, the mommy will miscarry, which happens when the rice didn't actually form in her belly. That's about all I can tell you, I'm not a doctor.

What's that? You want to know the more fun version of the story? Screw you. I'm not going to tell you. You rudely brushed off the rudimentary knowledge about childbirth I have. I might just kill you.

...Crap, that's right. My boss is going to fire me on account of my "aggressive" behavior towards people like you. No matter how much you all piss me off, I have no choice but to stay here and entertain you. No other place will hire me and I seriously owe my grandma big time after I spent her entire hospice care bill at the local strip club. I'm not very respected or trustworthy around these parts. I don't know why she even trusted me with the money, she knew good and damn well I was gonna use it for my own hedonistic pursuits.

*inhale*

Rice was invented in 2012, when the world was about to end, after the known Chinese nobleman and drug dealer Walter White (Chinese: 華特·懷特) invented it in his Beijing meth lab and transported it from his base to his chemistry student-turned-sidekick Jesse Pinkman's studio apartment in the Hong Kong town of Stanley (not to be confused with God Himself). Jesse loved it so much that he travelled to the probably fake probably-a-nation-probably-a-city-I-don't-know Vatican City to tell the Pope all about it, and then the Pope demanded everyone to eat as much rice as humanly possible.

Because it was invented by Walter White, rice has meth in it (shocker), which is the sole reason why so many people eat it on a regular basis all around the world. It is reccomended that people under 18 should not consume rice, but this is never taken into account by anyone in the history of anything ever at all. The Pope never said anything about minors not being allowed to eat rice. We trust what he says.

Rice made Leeseo hit the slay button.

There is no way Stanley is 47... don't lie to me Loud House Wiki

What makes rice healthy despite all the meth?

every single vitamin known to man and all the nutrients
plant-based non-GMO grass-fed kosher beef
a lot of grains
0 calories
0 carbs
0 cholesterol
0 allergens (lactose-intolerant bozos are not exempt from this)
muscle-strengthening and testosterone-enforcing tissues akin to steroids
BOOOOOYS if we get it wrong we'll make it right we're not alone GIIIIIRLS six can become one when we work togetherrr BOY GIRL DOG CAT MOUSE CHEESE guess you're stuck with me BOY GIRL DOG CAT MOUSE CHEESE guess we're family

Side-effects of eating rice to be aware of

rice withdrawal
teeth falling out
rapid eye movement so you can see EVERYTHING
increased urge to violently shake your ass to iKON - "DUMB & DUMBER" on full blast in your bathroom while the door is locked from the inside and your walls start shaking because of how loud the volume is
shidding and farding (and persing)
baja blast jamba juice
spontaneous bone breaking
ass pain
ass prin
ass (the donkey)
ass (the body part)
i

The End?

Well, as it turns out, I just got fired from my job as a storyteller, so I'm afraid I can't teach you any more about rice. They found about my habit of stealing from my dying family members and caught onto the fact that my attitude problem is never going to improve. I don't need this job. I don't need any of you. I only need my rice! The rice is my best friend.

*phtu*

...Huh. I just lost a tooth.

FOOD! (edit)

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TBA

Comments

this is way better than the old rice page
-- Raichu's Endless Nights (talk) 08:03, 4 September 2022 (UTC)

TYYYYY
-- linkin park numb nightcore (talk) 19:19, 4 September 2022 (UTC)