Teletoon

Teletoon is a Canadian television channel. Many Canadian children grew up watching this channel, including the creator of this page. This page will be written from her perspective and include mostly shows she herself has watched, so don't get your beaver tail in a bunch if she didn't mention a show from your childhood on here. Actually, scratch that. She DEFINITELY didn't. Nitzan is an '05 liner (that's kpop stan speak for "born in 2005"), which might explain why you won't see an unfunny monologue about 6teen or Class of the Titans on here.

For the Americans (and by extension all non-Canadians) reading this page right now, think of Teletoon as the Canadian version of Cartoon Network... even though Canada already has a CN feed. Teletoon has been around long before the actual Canadian CN channel was, believe it or not. Fucking based if I do say so myself.

If you want to make things more simple for your feeble foreign minds, just think of it as "Cartoon Network: CanCon Edition" (if you're on mobile you can't hover over the tooltip lol cry about it lol LOSER!!!! LOSER!!!!!!)

Hold on, Nitzan, what's the point of this page?

Awesome question, dear viewer! I'm so glad that you totally asked this question straight to my face. Let me break it down for you:

I'm Canadian.
This channel was a huge part of my childhood.
Even though I've grown out of this channel, I still hold it close to my heart.
I am on the autism spectrum and Canadian animation is a special interest of mine. This is only going to become more apparent as you read on... maybe?
I've been wanting to make a page like this ever since I published this thing, and I'm planning on making another page for Canadian cartoons that didn't air on Teletoon. Not sure when I'll do it though but it's gonna happen.
I like talking about shows from my childhood a lot.
I need an excuse to talk about Camp Lakebottom since my Discord account got euthanized the other day and I can't harass the people in Tall Autism's server about it.

History

Teletoon was born on October 17, 1997 to nationally-renowned girlboss ~~Facebook~~ Meta influencer Corus Entertainment and an absent father whose identity remains unknown. Who was he? It's anyone's guess! Now, anyway, at this point, I would've told you what the first show to air was, but I'm saving that for later because I think it deserves its own section.

Teletoon stopped being worth watching in around 2017 when they cancelled Camp Lakebottom, but officially lost all merit in 2018 when they premiered Total Dramarama and started using the schedule as a dumping ground for acquired programs from Cartoon Network.

Programs that aired back when Teletoon was still worth watching

I was originally gonna put Grojband here because I remember watching and genuinely enjoying it, but... nah.

Camp Lakebottom

Buckle in, kids. We're starting off with a long one.

I am literally not even joking when I say that this show is a very huge part of my life and has been since I was 8. That's a long time. It's especially important to me because it's the first television show I've ever gone extremely batshit over and simply put, it was my first special interest and is also the one I've had the longest. It's been my special interest for almost NINE YEARS which honestly still blows my mind. Okay now that you've sat through my ramble I guess I gotta tell you what the show's about huh (oh and btw full Nitzan Lakebottom Attachment Lore™ article is coming on February 29 2023)

Having been first aired in the Summer of '13, Camp Lakebottom has always been praised for its gritty realism and sociopolitical commentary. It was unfortunately axed in 2017 because the kids couldn't understand the mature themes in the later episodes, such as murder, drug-dealing, hitting the nae nae, debating if girls fart or not, and voluntarily calling yourself a NCTzen. This particular theme caused much controversy in the K-Pop fandom in late 2021, as there was tons of infighting between NCTzens (and by extension all -1 of SuperM's stans) and NCT antis on Twitter over a viral scene from it in which Gretchen whacks McGee over the head with a NCT lightstick whilst wearing a shirt with Mark Lee's head on it. Since then, the heat has died down for the most part, but in some sects of the online K-Pop community it is still a very sensitive subject.

A screenshot from "McGee the Mermaid", an episode from the show's first season. I would tell you the context, but it's way funnier without it, so I'll let you guys use your imaginations for this one.

Also uhhhh this show has a lot of gross-out humor, which seems to be a staple in multiple other Canadian cartoons. I, Nitzan, the writer of this page and the smartest girl alive, have an immunity to gross-out humor, and dare I say I find it absolutely hilarious. I understand that it's something of an acquired taste in the comedy world (not goanimaet), but as someone who grew up on gross-out it doesn't bother me very much. So basically, if you don't like gross-out humor and general jokes about farts and butts... Don't come crying to me about how gross it is. I'm not responsible for your comedy perceptions.

Johnny Test

You know him, you love him, you've heard his whipcracks... ladies and gentlemen, I present to you... the one and only JOHNATHAN TESTI-- actually no this joke is cancelled I'm so sorry

Johnny Test is considered the cornerstone of Canadian soap operas, with an all-star cast and riveting plotlines that kept its viewers coming back for more from 2005 to 2014. However, it is more known today for...

WHIPCRACK NOISES!

Rocket Monkeys

Believe it or not I barely remember the show itself, but I do remember enjoying it. In the second grade, a friend of mine and I actually got in trouble with the substitute that was in for our teacher that day because we kept singing the theme song out loud during creative writing time.

I literally only put this section on here so I could tell that story. Let's move on.

Total Drama (the original series)

chris lol

i am literally listening to the cup of life by ricky martin to keep myself awake. this is what my life has come to.

Packages from Planet X

I never quite understood what was going on this show until I was much older, but it's pretty damn fun. Ummm uhhhh premise uhhhh inhumanly tall generic white boy does alien capturing methinks? It's been years since I've seen it. Ummmm there's a funny fat guy (his name is literally Troll lmfao) and a girl who looks older than she actually is. There's also an old man who can turn into an octopus I think.

Okay I'm gonna be real with you this whole show feels like an entire fever dream to me. Like it never actually happened. I KNOW it exists but I also feel like it doesn't. Wack.

we do a little trolling lol

Programs currently airing on Teletoon (bad) (not good)

Not to sound like every single milquetoast cartoon community YouTuber ever but if you like any of these shows, I respect your opinion, obvzies, but also... your mom.

An enormous chunk of the stuff Teletoon is still airing according to this Wikipedia page is acquired programming from Cartoon Network.

Originals:

Total Dramarama (the horrible revival where they're all babies): Cringe
Hotel Transylvania: The Series: I don't like it but Mavis' design is kinda cute I guess. I also don't like the movie series this show is based on, so...
Cupcake & Dino: Wait this exists?
Wishfart: Oops! This Nitzan Take™ has been locked behind a paywall. In order to bypass it to see her opinion, you must pay 1000 Kenyan shillings (or C$11.22).
Bravest Warriors: I don't like it the art style is too simplistic
Bakugan Battle Planet: No thanks

Acquired stuff:

DC Super Hero Girls: Never saw it but the art style makes me wanna stick forks in my eyes
Teen Titans Go!: envision my asscheeks up in third-dimensional viewing. i will move my derriere about in my own feature film.
We Baby Bears: Stan TRI.BE they sang this show's theme song lol (also before you ask no I didn't watch this show it's just my duty as a TRI.BE stan to mention that they sang its theme song)
Tig & Seek: i have nightmares about tig hurting me
The Fungies!: How the hell does this show have three seasons I genuinely thought they axed it

everything else i cant be bothered to talk about or at the very least make fun of or promote a kpop group that it's tied to so ummmmmm

BHAAAAAA BHA BHA BHA BHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! BHA BHA BHA BHAAAAAAAAA BHA BHA BHA BHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

tri.be world domination lol

The forbidden shows

These are shows that I have seen but ended up leaving grievous wounds on my brain that will never heal.

I might write about these, might not... who knows? EXCEPT FOR TOTALLY SPIES I'M NOT WRITING ABOUT TOTALLY SPIES I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M N

The Bagel and Becky Show
Totally Spies!
Just Kidding
Fugget About It
Looped
Knuckleheads (or Au pays des Têtes à claques as it is known in French)
Chop Chop Ninja

What about My Life Me? Are you going to write about My Life Me?

Frick around and wait my good man

But wait, what was the first show on Teletoon?

Does this answer your question?

I'M JUST A KID WHO'S FOUR EACH DAY I GROW SOME MORE I LIKE EXPLORING I'M

CAILLOU

CAILLOU, HOW DARE YOU BE THE FIRST SHOW TO AIR ON TELETOON. THAT'S IT. YOU ARE GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED FOR 1185775644567902183891823 YEARS. THAT MEANS NO TV, NO MOVIES, NO CHUCK E CHEESE, NO PRESCHOOL, NO TOYS, NO GILBERT, NO BITCHES, NO POMEGRANATES, THAT'S A NO NO, NO MANNERS, NO LIE, NO RULES, NO INHALING OXYGEN, AND ABSOLUTELY NO EXHALING CARBON DIOXIDE. GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

full disclosure i literally cannot stop saying "no bitches" irl so if any of you wanna beat me to death now's your chance

Comments

this is awesome. the first show reveal was really satisfying I legit didn't see it coming
-- Scary Wallpaper, the Wallpaper (talk) 01:54, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

this is so well written the caillou part is really funny and it's insightful into your special interests ^^
-- Raichu's Endless Nights (talk) 07:05, 20 February 2022 (UTC)

WAH most of it is just me shitposting but thanks lads ;___;
-- Bruh Funny (talk) 14:57, 20 February 2022 (UTC)